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[deleted]

Thanks for helping me rethink the sentence. I thought the husband agreed that OP should have lied because they did meet via prostitution. OP, NTA. There's absolutely nothing shameful about how you met. It's similar to a customer meeting a server at a bar. You guys have been together for 18 years. That's not an insignificant amount of time. Stay happy.


letsmcfreakinloseit

I’m still confused about the sentence?


Crazykyul

Her husband said she should have told her mom's husband she was a prostitute just to make her mom mad


letsmcfreakinloseit

Oh! Thank you for clarifying. I read it as the husband agreeing that what happened was prostitution. Either way- NTA. OP is happy with her life, no ones hurt, that’s all that matters


KinkyGCM

I’m curious on the interpretation of the sentence that way. If read that way it makes it sound like the mom *wants* her to say it *was prostitution*. While the rest of the story is structured like she does not * I’m not bashing anyone, I’m just curious, because that is really confusing


letsmcfreakinloseit

That’s why I was confused, it seemed like the husband was agreeing with mom that it was prostitution, thus saying OP should have lied and he doesn’t agree with how they met.


KinkyGCM

I seeee. That makes a lot more sense than what I though... I read/read it like “he said I should have lied ~~and said~~ (by saying) it was full on prostitution” I thought you meant that you read it the “by saying” way, but the moms opinion suddenly became “you should tell my husband you partook in full prostitution” in that single sentence. Which would be so jarring haha


riskyOtter

Mom wanted OP to lie in a prudish way(less prostituty) and husband wanted OP to lie in naughty way(more prostituty)


d0nM4q

"Prostitutti"


Lulu_42

I'm not ordering that gelato flavor.


CookieCannibals

Thank you for making me ugly snortlaugh


Ghahnima

No gelato shaming


shadowbreadturtle

gelato shaming is my kink


steve102799

“Prostitutti Frutti” New Ben & Jerry’s flavor?


ScottHK

The original Little Richard title, cleaned up so they could get radio airplay.


MyLilPiglets

Saying it as prostituty sounds so much friendlier


bethywethydooda

Surely you can’t get much friendlier than prostitution?!


sunnycyn

Prostitooties-they don’t snap, crackle and pop, they just lie there and bang!


byedangerousbitch

*Just lie there* and bang? You're not getting your money's worth, my friend!


[deleted]

Basically he wants to troll her mom.


Weirdbirdnerd

She actually doesn’t sound like a narcissist. Don’t backseat diagnose. She just sounds like an overbearing, uptight mother who cares way too much about what others think. Doesn’t change the judgment, but narcissism is a lot more complicated than that.


supadupa66

Yeah so overbearing.... Like " I want my daughter to get a job so she can be financially independent and take care of herself" Ugh those parents are the worst amiright!!!!


Weirdbirdnerd

Yeah... OP sounds to be at least in her 40s, possibly even 50s and is married to a wealthy man. She's doing fine financially, and the ship has kinda sailed for that sort of thinking. Not only that, but the overbearing part was thinking she can control how OP talks to her step dad.


supadupa66

I really dont see the big deal in the mam wanting her daughter to omit certain details from the story. Like how hard is it to say "we met at a party on a yacht" instead of " I got paid loads of money when i was teenager to hang around with rich old men and he was one of the rich men". Swear to god I feel like I'm taking crazy pills or something reading this sub sometimes.


Weirdbirdnerd

That parts not bad. But when taken in the totality, it’s pretty clear that’s not the only grievance OP has with her mother.


supadupa66

I've read it I totality a few times, The main issue seems to be that the mother wanted her to take pride in work and had a strong work ethic, and didnt want her to get in the line of work she did. Literally completely normal things for any parent in existence to want for their children. OP sounds like a spoiled brat.


Sluaghlock

I guess that while reading it in totality multiple times, you somehow repeatedly misread the part where OP's mom specifically wanted her to become either a doctor or a lawyer for the prestige as "she wanted me to take pride in work and have a strong work ethic." The way you're framing their relationship is so far divorced from the details provided that it seems like you might have some personal prejudices about how OP is living her life, and are just trying to justify them. A parent who tries to push their child into a predetermined career (no matter what it is) that has nothing to do with that child's own wants, interests, or skills is absolutely being overbearing. I feel like maybe you really are "taking crazy pills" if you're going to try to dispute that.


Swaggy_McSwagSwag

Hi there. Do remember this is reddit where half the story is exaggerated, and the other half is pure fiction.


darthvadercake

Her mother prides a 'strong work ethic' and wanted her to become a doctor. A job that requires a lot of constant high performance, crazy long hours in med school, stress and pressure. I'm not saying it's not a noble profession to be a doctor, or another high pressure job, but while some people thrive under that others get a burnout, or put career over personal life and have to make compromises. OP decided she wanted to be comfortable in any work she did, and being comfortable and picking up suitable work was more important than earning huge amounts. She moved out at 18 and has provided for herself without relying on her parents. That doesn't sound like someone who is spoiled to me. She had jobs that paid the bills and that she was comfortable with. Isn't that what you want as a parent? For your child to actually be HAPPY, living independently and solving their own problems?


supadupa66

Yes but at the beginning the work she was doing at the clubs was illegal, The lifestyle at such a young age can be dangerous and it's not a a parents job to approve of every single decision their child makes.


Soranic

> Like how hard is it to say Not hard at all. If I were on good terms with my mom and meeting her boyfriend for the first time I'd omit a few details. Now that she's married and I've known my stepfather a bit, yeah he'll get the truth. Can't hide it forever. But OP isn't on good terms with her mom, so full unvarnished truth right away. (Except it's not right away because this man married mom already.)


jklance

Apparently it's a sufficiently big deal that her mom can't handle her telling the story. If it's not a big deal to omit parts, why is it a big deal to leave them in? Like how hard is it to hear the whole story and just not say anything instead of "you should omit parts of the story that i don't like for my comfort."


StarStuffSister

She had a job that led to her marrying a wealthy man and having a prosperous life for decades with her husband and children. So yes, parents who find nothing but complaints when your life turns out happy and amazing are actual trash. Yes, that's correct.


PrestigeZoe

All her achievements in life were succesfully seducing rich men. Her parents doesnt have to be proud of that.


StarStuffSister

Lol seduction is loving someone and marrying them and raising a family for 20 years now? Guess everything is seduction, then. Her mother can keep crying about how she wants a time machine, or deal with it. It's pathetic she's a grandma complaining about what her stahm daughter did 20 years ago. A good parent would be relieved her child's life turned out so well-- this mother is using "what ifs" that have already passed to be angry about an alternate timeline, apparently.


Novaske

I'm honestly amazed by all the slut-shaming I'm seeing in these comments.. Like, she modelled and more or less worked as an attendant for party ships, then ended up marrying and settling down to start a family with a person who happened to be a customer. There's literally nothing wrong with that & frankly isn't exactly "seduction", but people seem to be taking the mother's side in painting OP as a succubus. Weird. Frankly, I wouldn't care if OP was a stripper & did the same, it's her life. You don't birth a child so that you can dictate what choices they make as an adult & the lifestyle they take on. So long as they aren't harming someone or themselves, there's literally not a problem. In this case, there is no harm. PLUS; This woman answered a question by her step-father HONESTLY. That's a good thing. Frankly, the fact that he's already married to the mother makes it strange to me that it had never come up before. If mother dearest really cared so much she could have told him ahead of time in her own way. NTA.


Larry-Man

You can be a narcissist without having narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism is a sliding scale.


forget_the_hearse

I think there's a little difference in semantics. If they're not diagnosed, you'd probably want to say "They're narcissistic." It's like rectangles and squares--everyone is a little narcissistic, but not everyone is a narcissist. Narcissist no longer looks like a real word.


IrateJustice

There's 2 very different meanings, you're right. Colloquially, if someone is stuck up and egocentric they are narcissistic and this can be on a sliding scale. Having narcissistic personality disorder is on a whole other fucking level of magnitude. Source: am a mental health counselor


[deleted]

Yup. Most parents want their children to be successful in life. Some parents put on too much pressure and emphasis on being doctors or lawyers. This creates a LOT of stress and anxiety for kids. I find it worse when parents want their kids to follow in their footsteps and go to the same college as them and same career path as them. I partied a lot when I was younger only... I didn't get paid for it. I think I did it all wrong.


Swaggy_McSwagSwag

It's somebody's parent being talked about on Reddit. Of course they're a narcissist! Massive red flag, I bet they aren't even nice to waitstaff (pro tip for finding red flags btw if you didn't know!)


jfieoekdnfdbth

>you didn't turn out to be the ornament Actually, it sounds like OP did turn out to be an ornament, when her mom hoped for more. She's pretty straightforward that her looks are what she capitalizes on. Personally, I think what is shameful is going out of your way to embarrass your mother in front of her new fiance. The fact that the husband wanted to embellish shocking details shows what the intent was. "We met at a party on a yacht" is both true and appropriate. When someone asks how I met my boyfriend I say we met at a bar with friends. I don't say, we met while wasted, went home and screwed. Both are true. One is respectful of the person I'm speaking to and their comfort. One is not.


grumpymonkey22

I'm the child of a narcissist. And not wanting your kid to become a prostitute is not narcissism. It's worrying about your child. Prostitution is not safe work. What happens when you get older? Will you still be able to make an income? What kind of influences will you be around? It's not just about how it reflects on the parent, it's her worry for the kid. Also, society doesn't look kindly upon the parents of sex workers. I know I wouldn't want my parenting questioned if my daughter decided to become a sex worker.


mockingbird82

Exactly. Just because a parent doesn't agree with you 100% about your life choices doesn't make them a narcissist. Don't get me wrong, OP's mom has some serious flaws (and no parent is perfect), but she is not the devil here.


sumoraiden

Not wanting your daughter to be a prostitute is narcissism now?


aquestionofsunshine

I mean, do anyone of us turn out to be exactly as our parents expect? Who cares how you met, as long as everyone is happy and healthy?


ImGonnaGoHome

...uh, no, she does not sound like a narcissist. OP's husband's idea made him a prick, but OP's decision is on a dodgy line. If she did it to spite her mother, she's the AH, if she didn't, she's not the AH. I don't get how you could get "OP's mother is a narcissist" from this????? She's clearly just a person who views success in life differently from OP. Jeez, some people just need to chill in their armchairs...


Ytrebil_20

NTA >we've been very happy for eighteen years I think it's pretty clear that your relationship is more than just a bit of fun at a party, and your husbands response also suggests to me that you two have a strong relationship. Your mother sounds like she cares more about appearances than your happiness, but there's nothing to be ashamed of. You lived the way you were happy and found your husband along the way, she should be happy for and proud of you.


KingHill2x_

The mom: I don’t like the way you live your life OP: keep lookin hubby we gotta find who tf asked


Ytrebil_20

OP: should I lie to my mother's husband or just horrify him? Husband: both is good


anotherguy818

Legend has it that they are still searching to this day.


Slothfulness69

And it’s more than looks. Even if we assume OP got married at 18, the youngest she could be right now is 36. Obviously that’s not old, but if her husband was shallow and only valued her for looks/sex, he would leave her for a teenager or other younger woman because how you looked 18 years ago is different from how you look now. And I’m assuming she had some bodily changes from pregnancy, and he’s fine with that too, so clearly it’s not the “I’m your trophy wife, give me money” sort of thing her mom thinks it is.


FG88_NR

>Obviously that’s not old, but if her husband was shallow and only valued her for looks/sex, he would leave her for a teenager or other younger woman because how you looked 18 years ago is different from how you look now. I'm not saying this is what the husband is doing, but your logic doesn't consider the possibility of affairs. We also don't know the agreement made before marriage and he could not want to risk losing half his material goods in a divorce. A lot of people also stay together until their kids reach a certain age. So him not divorcing her isn't a clear-cut sign that he isn't shallow. Again, not saying that the husband is like this. I don't know the guy.


ClassicRockPanda

I disagree. The fact that he visited her mother and new husband, and wanted to jokingly enrage her, plus the fact that OP said they were not just married, but happy for 18 years makes it look like a loving relationship to me. NTA OP, you would have been slightly if you followed your husband's advice and purposefully engaged your narcisist mother, who is TA either way.


seashellseashell52

If people truly understood how difficult the struggle to find happiness is, I’m willing to bet there’d be a lot more proud mothers out there.


Faalcon0239

"We met at a party on a yacht," doesn't sound all that scandalous to me.


slightlyunhingedlady

Yours is a good comment. It makes me wonder how OP literally responds to the question. She could simply reply as you have which probably would be a polite end of conversation. I’m all for women being proud of who they are but I wonder if OP is deliberately going into detail to piss her mother off


Faalcon0239

Who knows. My parents told me they met at a New Years party in 1988. I was born March of 1989. It took me 15 years to work up the courage at ask if they met New year's Eve 1987 or New Year's Eve 1988. Turned out to be 1987. We had a laugh over that one.


Observerwwtdd

Hmmm...very revealing. I'm the second of 4 kids but I'm certain my mother is still a virgin.


ggapsfface

As the youngest child, I can state categorically that my parents never ever had sex during my lifetime. Never. Shut up. Never.


redditwinchester

Exactly. My parents never had sex. My dad just tripped and fell on Mom. 5 times.


kho_kho1112

I know you're kidding, but my SIL who was old enough to be having sex (16/17yo), & actually engaging in oodles of it at the time, still thought her parents only had sex 5 times. Not in a "I'm in denial that my parents are sexual creatures, because ewwwww" kinda way either, she legit believed her parents had ONLY EVER HAD SEX 5 TIMES.


WhyCantISayFork

My parents hate each other enough that I’d totally believe they only ever had sex to make babies.


merchillio

A local comic here said he wishes to one day learn he’s adopted, because that would mean there’s a tiny chance that his parents are just great friends who never had sex.


[deleted]

I remember one of my best friends once mused "I'm pretty sure my parents waited til they were married to have sex" - I thought about it for a moment and then said "hang on, weren't you a bridesmaid at their wedding?". Her parents aren't even religious, idk why they'd be against premarital sex anyway. It was just a brain fart on her part, she thought she remembered them telling her that but obviously was confusing them with someone else!


darlingdynamite

Meanwhile my mother has discussed with me how often she and my dad have sex, and has told me more than once that he is "well endowed"


vexillifer

My parents talked all the about an incredible trip to Cuba they took the year before I was born. It was at least 15 years until I put the timeline together. I finally thought to ask my mum once if she were pregnant while they were in Cuba, and without missing a beat, my dad pops up with, “NOPE! But she was the week after!” Ugh.


Faalcon0239

I think a lot of folks can trace their conception to a vacation week their parents took.


painahimah

I can trace my oldest son's conception to my husband and I skipping a baptism and staying bed all day, and littlest was at least pretty close to our anniversary


rainbowzend

Mine went on a weekend trip to one of the scenic state parks in the Fingerlakes region of upstate NY to see the beautiful fall foliage. They were middle aged and didn't see a need to use birth control at that point. A lot of people thought they were my grandparents.


vball4fun

Growing up, my mom was very adamant that I save myself for marriage and that sex is only for making children. When I was about 8 years old, I realized that pregnancies last 9 months, did the math, and innocently asked my mom how her and my dad got married in late January when I was born in early June. My dad thought it was hilarious; my mom did not.


[deleted]

Maybe that’s why she was so adamant about it lol


Faalcon0239

"Well... this is awkward..."


lux06aeterna

Same thing happened to me! I'm born in late June, and my parents were married late December the year before. I was a premature baby, born almost 2 months early. One day when I was 9 years old, I was doing the math on when I would have been concieved given I'd been born in August at 9 months, and realized that their wedding date would have been after by a good month!! My parents had counted on me not doing the math and take what they'd always said about me being concieved on their wedding night at face value by explaining the discrepancy on me being a preemie. That is, until I started counting backwards to explain it to my sister when she started asking questions when she was old enough and only counted 8 months... Parents were not amused by us figuring it out so early lol


onlyhere4laffs

My oldest brother was born in January '65 and my parents were married in August of '64... took me about fourteen years to work that one out. My parents weren't denying anything, when I eventually asked about it my mom was totally honest about the whole thing :)


coffeejunki

Well you know what they say. Your first born can be born at any moment, but your second born always takes 9 months.


DragonsAreLove192

My mom was born in February with her parents having been married in November the year prior. I asked my grandma about it and she said, "Shut up. Don't do math like that."


mermaidpaint

My brother, born in September, waited a couple of decades before asking if he was a New Years Eve baby. My mother asserted that he sure was.


jfieoekdnfdbth

>I wonder if OP is deliberately going into detail to piss her mother off Seems very likely to me. The fact that her husband would joke about making their relationship sound like outright prostitution makes it pretty clear that OP gets a kick out of antagonizing her mother and playing up the shock value. You would think she would grow out of that after teenage rebellion, but guess not. If OP said they met at a party on a yacht then NTA and her mom is super uptight. However, if OP is playing up sordid details then YTA for intentionally trying to embarrass her mother. Maybe she wasn't crying out of shame, but rather disappointment she had raised a daughter who would go out of her way to hurt her.


[deleted]

This is defintely a post that really suffers from only having one side of the story.


elizabethpar

I’m assuming OP is in an area where yacht girls are more commonly known. I’m that case even if she just said “we met at a yacht party” a lot of people would probably assume that’s how anyway


its_a_gibibyte

That's the point. The mom wanted OP to say something non-scandalous like that, and instead OP said she was paid to being paid to "entertain" men on a yacht, in a prostitution-adjacent arrangement. I don't think OP should need to lie, and I don't think anyone should shame sex workers, but I also understand why her mother would prefer a less detailed story such as "We met at a party on a yacht"


livgee1709

Prostitution-adjacent is a phrase I will now be using. Thank you.


mercedes_lakitu

Yeah, a lot of things are sex work but people don't like thinking of them as sex work. But it's a very wide spectrum. Also NTA, and I'm really impressed with both OP and her husband for being so comfortable in their own skins. That's something more of us could do with.


Restil

Heck, you could go one further and say you were working at a yacht party and met. Even better, I was hired as part of the entertainment for a yacht party, and met there. All perfectly honest answers that don't involve scandal unless having a job as a young adult is somehow scandalous.


sylvanasisBDE

I think its pretty common to specify when you met your partner at work. For example saying I was working as a waitress vs we met at a restaurant. Asking how a couple met is more of a story question anyways and not a short answer.


Restil

There can be some variance. "I was a waitress and he was a customer" is not the same as "I was a waitress and he was the bartender" is not the same as "I was a waitress and he was my boss." Still plenty of room to find scandal if you're determined to find such things.


FreakiLee

In my experience, yacht girls were usually topless or naked (with heels of course). Some were akin to strippers. Source: I was one for a little while.


RegularDragonfruit4

They met while she was working as a prostitute on a yacht and he was one of her Johns..


Desert_Fairy

I’m going with ESH. Your mom did the standard breeder thing of planning their child’s future before they were even out of diapers. But to be fair she wanted a life of independence for you. To be honest, you lucked out. Hundreds of thousands of girls just like you didn’t luck out. They were raped, murdered, used, and abused. The best case scenario is that they ended up back in a dead end waitressing job with no independence and no prospects. Your mother desperately didn’t want that for you. Your personal beliefs mean that you were able to emotionally handle situations which probably would have left your mother in therapy. Maybe she feels shame and that is her burden to bear, but I suspect she also feels worry. Worry that your husband is going to grow tired of you and get a younger model, worry that he could go bankrupt and you wouldn’t have any skills to fall back on. Worry that her grandchildren might not be lucky like you were, might not be as strong as you were to survive that world. Worry makes loving parents into tyrants. Try treating your mom like a human being and she might return the favor one day.


Maggi1417

>But to be fair she wanted a life of independence for you Yeah, I might get down voted for this, but I understand her mothers worries. I believe every person should strive for financial independence. You should always be capable of taking care of yourself. Sounds like OP had every chance to get a good education but threw it away to go down the "easy path". What happens if that rich husband get sick and can no longer provide for the family? Gambling your entire life on the hope that someone else will provide for you until the day you die is just not a smart life choice and I understand why her mother is upset about that.


Avinse

That’s what I was thinking while reading this. The mother didn’t want her daughter to bank on marrying a rich man. Wanted her daughter to be independent. Ultimately it’s her choice but the mother just wanted the best for her, she just didn’t approach it the right way. To be fair no one should bank on their good looks getting through life because half the time it won’t work, or it may work in the beginning and end badly. It’s just a really big gamble and considering OP is 18 years into the relationship plus the years before they married, it would be tough if something happened and she had no knowledge or skills to fall back in and start working.


jadegoddess

Yeah, your looks only will get you so far for probably like 99% of people. You age, wrinkle, things start to sag as you get older. What happens when the rich guy dumps you for a younger, hotter model? You’ll be stuck with waitressing jobs that barely pay anything while trying to raise four kids (for example). It’s best to strive for your own financial and emotional independence because you can’t always rely on others even IF they do truest love you and wanna take care of you. It’s just foolish to not have a good safety net. This is true whether you’re a guy or a girl. I agree ESH.


Sailor_Chibi

> I believe every person should strive for financial independence. You should always be capable of taking care of yourself. You are so right and I wish more people (especially women) would understand how important this is. The sad fact of life is that you never know what’s going to happen.


zeezle

Yep. It doesn't even have to be "he gets bored and leaves", it can be "he has a heart attack and suddenly dies" or whatever else. Even if you have means currently, make sure you're investing and saving for the worst case scenario. Always have a plan B for your plan B. Life sucks, horrible shit happens at the drop of a hat... do everything you can to up the odds and have plenty of options.


[deleted]

Or when he just wants someone younger


maclarenog

Solid comment here, in the end, despite your differences, wouldn't it be ideal to have a healthy relationship with your Mom?


Spoonbills

OP's mother may also be helpful to her daughters, who may be in their teens by now, if they want to pursue college, etc., and a professional life. OP has no experience with that, but her mother does. I'm going with NAH. Or, everyone is a normal amount of asshole.


girlygirl14534

I agree. While the mother was overbearing, her original fears were valid. She wanted her daughter to be able to provide for herself. Lots of young girls straight out of high school try to do modeling and partying but that doesn't work out long-term for most of them. 18 years later however the mother should be happy that her daughter actually did find a good marriage and a stable lifestyle, but you're right that he could leave her at any time and she probably wouldn't have any savings or skills to fall back on. People are hating on the mom here and while I do think she is wrong for being so ashamed of her daughter, I don't believe she is a narcissistic villain whose only motive is to control OP's life.


spaghettiAstar

I hate to sound judgmental, but the fact that OP doesn't apparently have the tact to understand there's a way to tell the truth in a more professional way tells me that if her husband were to leave her she might be in real trouble. She's free to live her life the way she wants to, absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I don't think she should be ashamed. However, when you're meeting someone new, oversharing or being too open isn't always appropriate. That's not just applied to something like this where there's that somewhat prostitution stigma either, it can also be applied to "good" jobs as well. Imagine a surgeon going into explicit detail about a messy operation when asked what they did instead of saying they were a surgeon. He's literally talking about doing an operating to help someone or potentially save their life, but is that the best way to answer the question of "What do you do for a living?" to someone you just met? Not at all, and you can be making someone pretty uncomfortable oversharing like that. Veterans going into explicit detail about someone they had to kill in the name of service would probably make people around them really uncomfortable and potentially worried for the Veteran or even their own safety if that is how they answered the question of "What did you do before coming to college?". If she doesn't understand that, then it's bad. If she does then it just means she was intentionally trying to elicit a response and that's just as shitty and immature.


[deleted]

I scrolled way too far to find this


_uwu_uncle

True. Plus we also don't know what kind of culture she grew up in. If she were from a strict indian religious household,it's going to be a way different from a a very flexible American family. Also she said her mum's friends daughters were doctors/lawyers which guaranteed them a solid future and her mother would have wanted that for her own daughter too I don't blame the mother,because I myself have grown up in a strict household,where we regard jobs like hers as "not appropriate" .I would have treated my daughter similar if she were to become a yacht girl,or anything that sort of.


supadupa66

It's hardly a cultural thing to not want you teenage daughter to make money by working illegally in clubs and dating rich old men. That's just parenting. Like whatever yeah it worked out well for you specifically, but it doesnt for the vast majority of women that end up that lifestyle. I'm genuinely shocked at all the NTA comments. This post is bizarre and if you do have two daughters and want that life for them aswell, that shit ain't right.


coyotebored83

It seems like this sub is now 'was I justified in my actions' instead of 'am I the asshole' you can both be 'right' and an asshole.


smokechlorophyll

[This is the top post of all time in this sub...](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d6xoro/meta_this_sub_is_moving_towards_a_value_system/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Figure you might find it ironic that it is so highly upvoted, yet functionally ignored.


TheVillianousFondler

That's a very well written post. When they said something along the lines of "even if 4,000 people on reddit call you NTA, if everyone around you in real life thinks you're an asshole...there's probably a reason for that." I couldn't have agreed more. I almost think that post should be stickied at the top of every comment section in this sub. It's lengthy but if people actually listened to what it said, this sub would change for the better


ZephyrLegend

Man, it's so true. My total karma for this subreddit is *still* in the negative because I told someone they were justified but still an asshole. Once. On one thread.


Forcistus

Welcome to r/aita. People here enjoy clapping back and sick burns.


rbf4eva

>Worry makes loving parents into tyrants. Fuck yes. I've sometimes been the worst tyrant out of sheer terror. And I completely agree - ESH. If one of my daughters did anything like that (yacht girl, sugar baby, whatever) I'd be scared shitless. I've already told my husband that even though we're raising our daughters to be financial independent, we will always be there to bail them out if necessary so they never have to rely on anyone but themselves or us. Obviously I haven't told THEM that, but I'm working my ass off to build some wealth so they can have a safety net. IDGAF about respectability though, which is where the mom's the AH. She's her daughter, she comes before anything and anyone else, including the mom's new husband.


obxtalldude

>If one of my daughters did anything like that (yacht girl, sugar baby, whatever) I'd be scared shitless. Yep, one evil yet charming man away from a losing control of her life - wake up in the wrong boat, wrong house, wrong country... so many ways it can go bad.


abadfoodfriend

Exactly. Sex trafficking and forced prostitution are very real concerns in these industries.


internetobscure

It's absolutely bizarre to me that people in this sub don't understand this. Yes, people should do what makes them happy. Yes, sex worth should be legal. But it's nothing but denialism to act like the chances of success and happiness are high, and that risk of failure or worse are negligible. Her mother is overbearing as hell, but she wasn't wrong in wanting her daughter to be independent instead of relying on her fleeting looks and youth to get by.


Desmoche

You said it better than I could have. Both are judgmental in their own way but mom wanted her daughter to be independent and not rely on her looks, which is a good thing to inculcate on a daughter.


untipoquenojuega

I love your points but using the word "breeder" is honestly disgusting. It's great if you don't want kids but try using some less derogatory terms when referring to people.


ratinmybed

Exactly, I'm childfree but even I had a "wtf" moment when I came across that word. It's extremely disrespectful and frankly unnecessary.


Sarahneth

Aye, especially when breeder has that whole slavery stigmatism thing attached to it to.


untipoquenojuega

Yea and leaving aside that it also sounds like a gross fetish, to me it sounds very sexist, like you're defining a woman only by her decision to have a child or start a family, no matter what else they might've accomplished in life. There are so many other words they could have chosen lol.


nashamagirl99

Yeah, it’s really misogynistic to reduce women down to their reproductive qualities and compare them to livestock. I know people who use that word will claim it applies to men as well, but I have never seen it used that way.


FuzzyJury

Totally this. I read this post with a degree of interest because of where I can relate, and where I diverge. I married into a very wealthy situation, and I enjoyed acclaim for my looks for a bit. But I also would have never felt fulfilled just "having fun" like that, and didn't have parental funds to fall back on when I was having fun. So I went to grad school, got an MA, which is where I met my husband, who happens to come from a seriously successful background. Now I'm in law school, almost done. I know I don't ever have to work, hell my husband wouldn't have to ever work if he chose not to either. But I couldn't imagine not having the ability to support us in case of any seemingly remote contingency. Part of this is probably I'm Jewish and was in part raised by a Holocaust survivor, but I just have this very strong sense that things could go to hell at any moment and we should all be prepared. My JD will not only allow me to contribute financially, but just to have a life that I care about. If I want to lobby for something, write editorials, or otherwise have a greater seat at the table, I now have that voice. I'm hoping to teach at a law school one day in the area related to my MA and JD intersection and continue publishing on the topic. It's unnecessary in terms of actual livelihood for me, but necessary for my sense of security, independence, and even just a type of insurance. I absolutely don't blame the mom for worrying and think the daughter sounds incredibly privileged to have not had any worries or think about contingencies. It's funny also because I now hang out in a pretty wealthy crowd, and I don't know any woman who isn't accomplished in her own right, even if not the same financial level as her husband. So for example, I know people whose husbands are the chief legal counsel for major companies, but they are pretty notable scholars. Like yes, being in academia isn't the same in earnings as being a corporate chief legal officer, but is still very accomplished. I don't know anyone in the upper echelons who married for looks, that seems like a rarity that's frowned upon by everyone I've encountered. Maybe that's just my experiences in the NYC finance and legal world though, maybe it's different in other states.


marie946

I‘ve read the word ‚breeder‘ and just KNEW that you‘d be active in this toxic ass sub childfree


oasisbuiltthemoon

Agree wholeheartedly. Your mom should get over herself and understand that your life has turned out well for you, but her worries early on were reasonable and fall into the category of parents trying to guide and teach their children and set them up for a good life.


Acidulous7

Damn, that's actually a good way to look at it. I'm still saying NTA though because her mother got mad at OP for being honest.


kokolkol

I’m probably going to get downvoted for this, but I think ESH. Your mother is obviously way too judgmental but I think you said that to provoke her and make things uncomfortable. I’m sure I’m front of new people you often say you met your husband at a party, or that you were a hostess at the party (which is true), but if you chose to say you were paid to be hot on a yacht with rich men.


zuggiz

This was my take too. I don't see why its so hard to understand why a parent would want their child to be successful- personally I don't think 'being hot' contributes as having achieved anything, but thats just my own personal take. The fact OP had to break down the intricacies of their meeting to us suggests that OP is also aware of why people would be judgmental- so it screams double standards. Doesn't agree with her mother judging her- but will actively make sure the internet doesn't judge her. ESH.


slightlyunhingedlady

Nope. I’m upvoting. This is my take also


arseholierthanthou

And...? She was paid to be hot on a yacht with rich men. That's the literal truth of the matter. Don't ask a question you don't want the answer to, and don't imply others should be ashamed of lifestyles different to your own.


spookiebun

There is a polite and a crude way to phrase things. The way OP words her post leads us to believe she chose the crude way. Honestly, OPs NTA, but if her mother disapproves that much and OP also isn’t willing to compromise and say the polite version, why does her mother bother? Like my brothers are fuckwits and talk some hard shit to and amongst each other, but my fiancé isn’t. They have enough respect and love for me and the man I love that they try to be a little more polite when my fiancé is around. Idk why OP can’t offer that same consideration to her mother.


afrodasiac

lol exactly. I can say hey I have to go take a massive shit, or I can just say I have to use the bathroom. Both are true but there’s no reason to phrase it the first way if I’m around people I know are uptight.


Meriog

"I have to take a giant runny shit." "Oh god why would you say that?" "Fuck you, respect my lifestyle."


the_fit_hit_the_shan

"NTA, they should have respected your lifestyle" - AITA posters


Bloody_Flo

This is by far the best analogy of this. I do agree OP probably purposefully said things in a way she knew would upset her mother


CowboyLaw

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I say she was paid to do more than “be hot.” There’s A LOT of stuff even among the details she chose to share that support that conclusion. Not necessarily judging, but let’s be honest here.


[deleted]

that's what I'm getting too. I feel like OP is leaving out potentially a lot of details here. as a parent, I would probably be disappointed in that line of work as well and it would probably be a hot button topic with my family, but what do I know ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


FG88_NR

I'm not even sure she's leaving details out. She openly states it's basically prostitution, which she has no problems with. Yacht girls are escorts. They chat, party, fuck. That's the purpose of their service. Personal opinions on prostitution aside, it's not crazy for a parent to want something more for their kid aside from making money with their bodies and looks.


TheSavageBallet

They also are ripe for sexual assault and other violence as well, it’s like insane for any kid to not understand why their parent wouldn’t want them to be a sex worker.


CowboyLaw

Yup. Out on the open ocean, yacht girls gotta fuck. You know, because of the implication.


Bunny_tornado

Are you saying you have to suck a lot of peepee before you meet the only rich peepee you'll have to suck for the rest of your life?


canwesoakthisin

There’s a polite way to say things though. Like how I tell people I ended up dating my partner: We were friends in high school, didn’t talk for 8ish years and when he moved back across the country he hit me up because he wanted to see what his old friend was up to and it worked out perfectly and now we’re madly in love! True, yes. But a more honest answer is: He moved back across the country , remembered he used to think I was hot, checked to make sure I still was and also single, called me up cause he wanted to get some, we fucked like rabbits that night, then we went on a date the next day and now we’re madly in love Tact is a good thing to have


singdawg

When calling in sick to work, do you say "I'm shitting my brains out here because I ate bad taco salad last night, think there's some blood in the stool" or do you just say "I'm feeling sick today and cannot come in" 100% honesty isn't always a virtue


[deleted]

Agreed.


r_u_ranga

I don't really know how to judge this but I can't really blame your mother for being disappointed you were a prostitute and don't have a job.


thecoolghoul-

Same. I wouldn't want that for my children and I don't think there's anything close-minded about it.


singdawg

It's pretty open-minded to want your female children to be self-reliant, financially-independent people.


_that_dam_baka_

I wanna know if OP's kids talk about their mother in terms of, “Oh yeah she used to be a prostitute but then she married rich and that's what I want for my life.”


Ahoytherematey561

ESH. Your mom is an asshole for pushing her values on you when you are a grown woman in an 18 year relationship, raising your own kids, and you clearly have made your choices. But you kinda suck because you’re stunted in your 18-year-old identity of being a rebel, doing the opposite of what your pushy mom wants you to do, and rubbing it in your mom’s face in a passive aggressive way. Move on already, not for her sake but for your own. Remember that your kids watch how you behave, and they may do the same to you one day.


Bunny_tornado

Children are kinda cute. A 38+ year old child is gross.


Beaniesqueaks

That's what I kept thinking reading through all this. Also, if her husband was one of the "older" men, how old does that make him now? 60? Are a 40 year old and 60 year old really trying to stick it to mom like that? Lmao


Bunny_tornado

As someone who dated a 20 year older man (granted, I wasn't a boat girl or a prostitute) in my late teens-early 20's, they can be pretty immature. I do not recommend it at all. There's always a power differential.


TheRealMeadowSoprano

Agree OP needs to get over herself. Mom is a little judgmental/overbearing but seems to have tried to steer her kid in the right direction (all while raising her as a single parent?). Mom definitely saw potential in her child; this potential was never developed through an education or a stable/ respectable job Honestly OP tried to rebel so hard that its kind of sad she has no job related skills or even a job at all that comes with financial independence- while claiming she hit the jackpot...ok. I wouldn’t want this for my child either. If/when her husband leaves her she will have nothing to fall back on and no one to fall back on since she had already upset her mom


-SmashingSunflowers-

Life might seem good now, but something people don't consider is after death of a spouse. My best friend's dad died suddenly from a heart attack, leaving his 50 year old wife widowed. He took care of the bills, the work around the house (not chores but like management stuff and upkeep), she didn't even drive that much because that's what he did. When he was alive, you would think she was set. But he's dead, she doesn't know how to pay bills, how to manage a house and all the problems, and has a hard time driving. Her son, my friend, has to help her and essentially coddle his mother so she can survive. She has no life skills and right now life is not great anymore. OP might be fine now, and might be financially fine if he passes, but the quality of life will absolutely dwindle. It's important to have some independence for yourself.


Meeepmeeepmeee

After 18 happy years together I'd say that it isn't and wasn't just your looks that brought you together. And I like your husbands take on it.


Restil

Who cares if it was? If I see you from across a crowded room and make the decision to go over and talk to you, it's probably not because of your personality. That might be what keeps me talking to you, but it's not what got me on your side of the boat.


tidyplayings

Donald and Melania Trump have been together for over 20 years (married for 15 years).


kjhvm

ESH. Mom was overbearing despite good intentions, and drove OP out. OP chose to tell all the details of the start of her relationship, not as a heart-to-heart, but in a manner that would be hurtful to her mom. OP could have just said "met at a boat party from mutual acquaintances" and left it at that. Husband wanted to start some more shit by claiming prostitution. (Edit) New step-dad was caught in the middle.


kjhvm

I might have misunderstood one aspect... was the mom fully aware of the story, and just wanted to not have her new hubby know?


RahaneFan

She was aware, but expected a G version of the tale whereas OP used a PG-13 bordering on R-rated version, seemingly to spite her mother.


super-nova-scotian

ESH. You, your mother, and your husband all seem a bit AH-ish


MetalSeagull

There's something smugly self-satisfied in OP's post. I wonder if she might be secretly thinking that she was the only one with the courage to live life as she wanted to, and everyone else compromised for security? It's an extremely common belief that others think the way we do. So if they aren't acting as we do, then they must lack the courage, not the desire. So if OP is expecting her mother's new husband to envy that he never lived that life, or to think her mother is a horrible rejecting bitch, she's going to be disappointed. He's going to sympathize with her, if anything.


SB-1

>My husband thinks I should have lied and said it was full on prostitution, but he's kind of an ass. INFO In what way would this have been a lie?


[deleted]

[удалено]


rosy-palmer

YTA. I think a little empathy could go a long way here. Who knows wheat obstacles your mom had to overcome to be successful in this world, only to have her daughter depend solely upon her looks to get a rich husband. I can get my mindset closer to her side of things than yours. I would not want my sons being party boys on a boat to get a rich dude or girl.


mockingbird82

> I would not want my sons being party boys on a boat to get a rich dude or girl. And that would not make you a narcissist, either. I cannot believe the top comment is n.t.a. and labels the mom a narcissist.


elliebehydrated

NTA. Has your husband got any rich, funny, available friends...? 👀


MiserablyPink

Hook us up


cklamath

Yo me too please


Memesenpai69

All thots in this thread


adieumarlene

This post feels a LOT to me like a direct reversal of one of the many, many (likely) fake AITA posts that have been popping up lately in which a hot, vapid housewife mom clashes with her uptight, “independent woman”-type daughter. It has every single hallmark of one of those posts, except with roles reversed. It’s even written in the same style as all the others. People have been pointing out these fake posts lately, so whoever is doing it just reversed the roles and from what I’ve read in this comment section people are buying it hook, line, and sinker. ETA: See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hkjn22/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_to_stop_taking_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) for another example of what I’m talking about, and check out the top comments for a list of other posts like it. Bonus: one of those linked posts has another super long list of similar posts in the comments section. I was too lazy to go through and link them all.


TheRealMeadowSoprano

Ive been on reddit for a few months now- I didn’t know this but are people really that bored on a sunny Saturday to write fake posts?


Jeanyx

You know. Apparently this sub is full of fakes, but...this is the first one that really screams that to me. Like. “Is my uptight mom wrong about me getting it on with yacht customers and meeting my one true love that way?” Kinda *screaaaams* fanfic. If it’s real? Whatever. Power to you—as long as you and hubs are cool and happy, then yay! All that matters. And F your mom. Like. Lol. I’ve lived some crazy BS. And my parents are basically to the point of, “whatever, ok cool, you’ve put us through so much shit that we have zero surprise anymore.”


NicelyNicelyJohnson

I get the slightest vibe of this being a remix of the constant posts we’ve had the last few weeks, where the uptight liberal-minded daughter/daughter-in-law/stepdaughter is judgmental and disapproving of her sexy fun-loving mother/mother-in-law. Maybe the OP switched the roles to throw us off the trail or something.


Voxiim

Yes, writing style is simile too. As is OP’s participation in the comment section. Post that comes to mind most is the one where the mother and her best friend were talking about flashing some random guy in Vegas.


robot_worgen

Yep, it’s exactly that. Bait for “real feminism is about choice and anyone who doesn’t like X, Y, Z trope that looks a lot like how women were exploited in the past is anti-women”.


bunpudding

YTA because you sound so petty and immature for your age. I’m all for a more sexually liberated world but why are you talking about your mom like she’s a bad person for wanting you to be independent, a hard worker, an inspiration to other girls or a selfmade role model? Instead of being dependent on rich men and going along for the ride in exchange for your dignity and body? News flash, no good mother would ever be proud to say their daughter works as a prostitute or stripper instead of a doctor. That’s just not how things (should) work. That they accept it because they love you is one thing. Actively wanting that to be a career for you is another thing, and it’d make her a bad mother. “Marry into a rich family, find a rich husband” is something we all give shit to traditional mothers in other cultures for wishing for their daughters, but this one says “make something for yourself and your life” and we’re supposed to think she’s some judgmental monster? Ultimately, you didn’t have to tell the man the full story. “We met at a party on a yacht” would’ve sufficed. You did it knowing full well it’d piss her off and knowing full well it bothers your mother. You stirred the pot to likely get a rise out of her on purpose. Like an asshole would do.


MaryMaryConsigliere

INFO: What exactly did you say to your mother's husband? I really can't imagine why any variation of "we met on a yacht during a party" or "we met back when I used to work on a yacht" would be upsetting or scandalous.


[deleted]

I said we met when I worked as a yacht girl


MaryMaryConsigliere

Did he even know what that meant? I feel like that's not a widely used term. Did he ask any follow-up questions? Also, wasn't Meghan Markle a yacht girl in her younger years? If a British princess used to do it, surely it can't be that shocking.


[deleted]

He didn’t ask but I got the impression he knew what it meant


drsapirstein

YTA.


morebananajamas

As an Asian your mother sounds completely normal. Also ESH if you embellished on the yacht girl aspect. NTA if not.


nekrossai

Eeh, YTA. It sounds like you may have taken the opportunity to continue to rebel rather than be willing to preserve the situation. Im glad you're happy with who you are and everything, but I don't think this was nessecarily appropriate, or inappropriate, but unnessecarily blunt. That could have waited for a later time.


alaniz100

ESH just stop visiting each other you already said you hate eachother and it seems like you go out of your way to make her feel like that. So just cut eachother out already its better than a fake relationship like after what you said why keep going there? Its unfair and unhealthy to BOTH of you.


TheyKilledKennyAgain

Yta. Ur mothers not the bad guy for worrying about you working in prostitution, an extremely dangerous and unreliable job, and wanting you to have a good job. Also, as you said >I'm not going to lie and say it has nothing to do with looks, Of course shes worried about him dropping you when he finds someone better looking. Give ur mam a break.


stopthemasturbation

Your husband gave you an opinion and you called him an ass? Why? Because he disagreed with you? You went your whole life with no education or real job skills and you wonder why your mom is disappointed in you? You coasted by on looks and said yourself you've had an "easy life". Your entire adult life has been paid for by other men that you had no ties to, and you didn't marry one of them, so it obviously was at least *just a job*. You're dancing around in a bikini on a yacht, chugging champagne and shaking your ass for rich men, and then are surprised when his parents think your husband might not have hit a home run with you? People are allowed to have opinions, even negative ones, about anything. Prostitution is usually something people have a negative opinion about, even if you and him do not (I do not either, for what it's worth, but why on fucking earth would you tell them that?). You were at least looking sexy for money, which is reminiscent of prostitution at the bare minimum and actual prostitution at the maximum. And *most* people don't want their son to marry someone that not only doesn't have hard skills to use, but has also lived a life of promiscuity in the effort to completely avoid any sort of hard work. It's not your mother's duty to tell you what to say or not, but I just do not honestly believe you thought this was going to go well. If even your husband thinks that you're curtailing the truth to hide the fact that it was *actually worse than his parents thought*, re-examine yourself and the situation. ESH except the husband and in-laws. You mostly, some to the mother. You could have just said you two met at a bar, why on earth does it even fucking matter? You were getting married, *it wasn't even relevant, and you knew it would cause a stir that you willingly brought up as a sort of in-your-face insult to your mother.* I'm going with this judgment based on what you've written in your post so far. If there are edits or you reply, totally, I'm willing to give you more context that I obviously can't know without you telling me. But if this is the entirety of the situation? Instead of telling a white lie, you're expecting the older generation to just wantonly accept something that was and still is demonized to a lot of people? That's ludicrous.


josie8719

ESH. I don't care if my daughter is a doctor or a lawyer or a janitor. I want her to be safe and comfortable in life. But I know I don't want her to do what you did and basically be a prostitute. It somehow worked out for you but it doesn't always. You also could just say we met at a party, no one really cares and it's true. Like you're pushing 40 and you still have to push your mom's buttons like a sulky teenager?


prolongedsunlight

This is one of the most manipulative post I have read here. Maybe OP is not an asshole, but OP is the kind of people I never want to know and is a nightmare of a daughter, since your mother just want you to be self-reliant.


AParrot612

I have a question. How it is that making fake IDs is so easy? I mean, how do you find the ID? And how can't people tell it's fake?


RoboCat23

18-20 years ago it was much easier. IDs are way more sophisticated these days, and bouncers actually care. They didn’t give a shit back then.


[deleted]

I really don't know. The guy who managed the club would get them for us and I think the guy who made them also sold drugs, but I don't know any details.


nickkkmn

That was around 20 years ago , right ? Back then , 99 % of the fake ids were so terrible , that they existed for only one reason . To protect the clubs . You would show up , the bouncer just wanted you to have something on you , and if they were busted , the common excuse was , how am i supposed to tell if it's fake , im not the police .


cyberllama

I used to hang out with people who were typically older than me and some of them would get so smug they got asked for ID at 25 (age limit is 18 here) and thought they must look really young. Nope, bouncers would ask people who looked older so they could be seen to be spotchecking but not actively reducing the number of paying customers. I never got IDed, even though I was obviously 16/17. As soon as I hit 23, then the ID checks started.


thebemusedmuse

I’m going to say YTA because I have a feeling you told the story in a way designed to wind them up.


jcukier

YTA. There’s a difference between: “are you allowed to do what you’ve done?” and “did you do the right thing?” Only the answer to the second question matters to determine if YTA. Of course you are allowed to tell your truth and live by your own standards. You don’t have to feel any form of regret that you didn’t conform to your mom’s grand plan. Now, the way you told your story hurt your mom’s feelings. You didn’t seem to care about that. I’m sure there is a way to answer her husband’s question truthfully, without making anyone cry. When people ask “how do you two meet?” To a couple, the full details are never required. The truth is not an excuse to hurt others’ feelings. We don’t go on the street and call random people fat or ugly. That doesn’t mean we’re expected to lie but there are contexts where we’re expected to use euphemisms or remain at a certain level of vagueness. And if we don’t, it’s really on us.


[deleted]

Maybe your mom has never gotten over the fact that the man you’re married to wielded his money and power to party and presumably have sex with very young women—some of them probably still teens (18/19). I would have a really hard time ever bonding with my son-in-law if that’s the kind of person he was—even 20 years later.


BowtiepastaMasta

You gotta pick your battles. Wouldn’t have hurt for you to say, we met at a party. And left it at that. You’re not lying and your mom gets to Save face. Win win. YTA.


stuckpixel87

ESH Your mom sucks for forcing you into a career path you didn't want to take and probably encouraging you to rebel, but i can understand her caring about you, especially since your choices were... Unorthodox, but still, they are your choices, and the moment your turn 18 you can do whatever you want with your life and body. However, you do seem extremely entitled and your husband's suggestion was kinda a douche move. It seems like you two are really compatible. I do recommend getting some work skills other that being pretty, tho.


YayRooney

INFO: How exactly did you phrase it to your moms boyfriend? “We met at a party on a yacht” only seems like a rare story because of the yacht setting, you basically said you met at a party. Lots of people meet their partners at parties. If that’s just her reaction to any mention of a yacht N T A.


chardiddy04

ESH your mom is not alone in that most parents probably want their kids to get some sort of education and job security. Those are very common and reasonable expectations. She needs to move on from your choice to not do so, but it sounds like you’re deliberately aggravating the situation. You could have been nicer about it.