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Parents fighting is the worst. Never got over it. Edit: Wow this certainly hit a nerve with a lot of people. Thanks for the upvotes and awards. Let me add to my story in a good way. WHen I was around 22 years old, I was visiting my father for the holidays and we were watching TV together. Out of nowhere, he says "I saw a program the other night talking about how damaging it is to kids to see/hear their parents fight. I should have known better to fight with your mom in front of you especially because of how much it bothered me when mine did it. I am so sorry." It was crazy. My dad was just a heavy machine operator with a 6th grade education. It was the most heart felt thing he said to me my whole life and it meant the world to me.


Laying awake in bed all night, every night of the week listening to your parents scream bloody murder and hoping they don't murder each other can fuck you up.


My step dad was fond of threats that included such lines as "I fucking dare you to call the cops. I will cut off your fucking head. You and the kids will be buried in the backyard before they ever show up." He'd bring out hunting rifles, shotguns and knives just to assert his dominance and make sure everyone was terrified at all times. The same guns he would shoot at my feet and overhead when I was forced to go on hunting trips. I'm not trying to compete in the pain Olympics or one up anybody else's experience- terror is terror- but I'm 39 years old, this week has been really difficult, and I just needed to say something about it today.


I planned a huge birthday party for my 18th. Rented a room at a bowling alley, hired a DJ, lots of food... The people I called my best friends didn't bother to show until I called them 2 hours after it started and begged them to.


Im really sorry man.


God that's the worst, realizing that people you care about don't feel the same way in return. Been through that myself quite a few times over the years, the best thing I've ever gone with them is toss them to the wind and not give them a second more of my time. You deserve better friends, I hope they come to you soon!


My parents never talking to each other once they were divorced. I was the middle man from age 5-16. 16 was the age he stopped coming to pick me up on weekends. But me being the middle man turned into so much drama. My dad and his wife used to talk non stop shit about my mom. My mom has always been my everything, she did so much for me growing up as a single mom. Fast forward to life events, graduation, my wedding. My dad refused to be anywhere near my mother. So I had no one to walk me down tbe aisle because my dad didn't want to see my mom. And this fool does not understand why I don't want anything to do with him.


Man, this hits home. I went through almost the exact same thing except it was my mom and stepdad constantly telling me how awful my (single) dad was when in reality he’s one of the nicest and most supportive people ever. They sort of made up (to the point where they’re on speaking terms) when I was in my mid-20s, but the damage was done. My mom still wonders why I’m closer with my dad to this day.


I remember I was about 7, my mom and I got kicked out of the house we were staying at which was owned by my moms friend. I remember we went to McDonald’s and my mom got me a single burger from the dollar menu. As we walked outside I accidentally dropped the burger, and it fell open into the dirt so there was dirt all over the inside of the burger. I apologized to my mom and asked for a new burger. She crouched down, wiped as much of the dirt off the inside of my burger as she could, looked at me with tears in her eyes and said “you have to eat this burger because that was my last dollar and I don’t know when I’ll be able to feed you again.” I felt like I aged 10 years in that moment


Oh my god...so sad Is your monetary condition ok now?


I mean I’m an adult now, financially things aren’t great but I’m not eating dirt burgers anymore


For as sad as the innitial comment was, this comment made me laugh and then feel bad about laughing.


I 100% relate to you, you’re not alone dude. On my sixth birthday, I was woken up by my mom in a state of complete panic. She screamed at me to get up, get dressed, and collect whatever I thought was important. My best friend and her sister were sleeping over at the time, their mother came to get them and I didn’t see them again until I lived with them a couple months later. Downstairs I heard a lot of commotion but I didn’t find out what it was until years later. Recently my dad told me that our landlord had showed up with an eviction notice and to get out that day. My dad said that was bullshit and you can’t evict someone without prior notice. A brief fist fight ensued. Landlord pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot my dad, so he called the police. Cops get there and my landlord pulls out a fucking badge, apparently he was also a cop. Landlord tells the other cops that my dad has a knife, and so pulling the gun was self defense. My dad was already on parole at the time (a whole other long ass unbelievable story) so things weren’t looking good for him and they took the cops side. Some how they let my dad go though. We got out of the house with barely the clothes on our backs, we didn’t even have time to collect our family photos. I didn’t see a picture of myself as a baby until I was 20, when an old family friend showed me some she had personally taken and kept. We had pets at the time that my best friend’s mom was “watching” for us until we had a home. She actually gave them all to a shelter pretty much immediately. We ended up staying with my aunt and uncle that night until we could get some shit together. They bought a couple tents with their last dollars, and we lived inside of them on a campground for about two weeks. While at the camp ground a man in a blue Hawaiian shirt and fedora approached us, and arrested my dad for violating his parole by leaving the county. I guess my uncle didn’t like my dad and saw this as an opportunity to get back at him for some shit I still don’t fully understand. Before the fedora wearing parole officer left, he handed me a blue raspberry DumDum lollipop which I will never forget. As if that was supposed to make me feel any better. We stayed with my grandma for a month or two after that. My grandma lived in another state so once school was starting we ended up with another family in a three bedroom apartment in my home state. Then my best friends family moved in because they too had gotten evicted. So that’s three families living in a three bedroom apartment. My family of four (not including my dad who would remain in prison for another year), my best friends family of three, and the people we were staying with’s family of four. The family we were staying with was fucking awful and mean, and their daughter eventually became sexually abusive towards me. FINALLY, a little over a year after my 6th birthday and the events that followed, my mom found a job, and we finally got a home.


I just don’t get how there are so many shit people in the world. Like your corrupt landlord and your mum’s ‘friend’. And your uncle. I’ve never met anyone even a fraction as shitty as that. In my life.


You likely have, but they probably were just comfortable and busy. It's very easy to be moral when you never have to make hard decisions. Go to your 9 to 5, pay the bills, not getting ahead but not failing behind, that's most people. But there's a whole lot of people that are only a few weeks of unemployment away from throwing their principles in the garbage. A lot of people will do shitty things just because they are mildly uncomfortable. It's why you can be roommates with a friend you've had for years and immediately find out they suck when they sacrifice your privacy, security, etc. for selfish reasons.


That comment about living with friends is spot on. Pro tip: don't live with your close friends unless you're willing to potentially lose that friendship in the end


When I was 9, my 8-year-old best friend died of leukemia. It hit me so hard. Life is too short, and death hits us indiscriminately. It’s not fair.


same for me only i was like 5 or 6 and it was my little brother. sorry for your loss, fuck cancer.


Rn I’m the kid with leukemia, frick cancer.


Stay strong bro you got this.


Same, but I was 14 or 15. I'm Irish and he told me when we were in primary school that he'd heard a bean sídhe/banshee one night and knew then he would die before he was 18. Freaked me the fuck out when he told me that but strangely when he was diagnosed with leukemia I was kind of at peace with it. I've had a few family members die since and I can tell you my view on death is a bit odd, probably because of Brian. I've accepted the inevitability of death from a very young age, and don't really have a strong response to it when others I have been close to have died, but for myself, I am shit scared, which compels me to do good in life and try to leave a good impression on those I leave behind. Edit: fada


My daughter just passed away at 9. She had down syndrome and her reach throughout our community was phenomenal. Everyone was a friend. Not only am I completely shattered at the loss of my daughter, I'm also heartbroken for all of her friends 😔


As a mom and just as a human being, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure she was a light and absolutely wonderful. I hear it through your kind words of her. I'm so sorry.


Thank you, she was an extraordinary person. The world needs people like her and I'm proud of who she was. And I told her every day. I could go on forever about her 😂


Tell us about her. What did she look like? What was her favourite colour? What was her favourite food?


It hurt my heart to read this. I am so sorry for your loss.


i lost my grandma to leukemia too, Even with dementia and leukemia, she were still making my favorite chicken and corn soup. Its like she forgot who i was, but the feelings about me never changed. i miss her.


Same thing here. I was 10. He died of leukemia. 6 months later his older brother was shot in the back of the head in front of their house for trying to leave the gang he was in. Then a year later the youngest brother was killed by a drunk driver. I still cannot even imagine going through that as a parent.


Holy shit.. Poor parents, they must be living the hell... How are they? You ever had a chance to talk to them?


Emotional and physical abuse from my parents, in an argument recently my mother said I deserved it.The earliest memory I have of abuse was about 7, I can't remember much of my childhood.


Trauma often causes our brains to erase memories. Pretty crazy.


Yeah my mom beat the living shit out of me when I was 6 because I was annoying her while she was eating. Afterwards she cried about what she did.


You did not deserve it give yourself a well deserved hug look in the mirror and know you are a good person


Almost drowning then having people laughing at me because I was crying and not going back in the water.


This feels terribly nostalgic. I was pushed down inside the deep part of swimming pool by one of the senior girls at a boarding school I went to. All I can remember was feeling like my lungs would explode any second as she was pushing me w her feet and she had the audacity to laugh when I was crying later.


My cousin held my head under the water at the beach when I was 13. I remember that feeling well. Attempted murder is apparently funny. Because that's what it is.


I had a cousin and his friend hold me down, put a pillow on my face and sit on it when I was around 10-ish (they were a couple years older) thought I was gonna die and fought my way out of there, ran to the rest of the family tears streaming down my face and whilst they didn’t laugh at me they never really told him off either. He’s now the golden child of the family




I was the cousin. I didn’t push my cousin down but I apparently just laughed at my cousin who was drowning. I was 5? I laughed because we were knee-deep and I thought my girl cousin was acting out or just being funny. Found out later that she was having an epilepsy episode :(


Being left alone for days while lying to CPS when they came to the door, not having toilet paper or food.


Dam dude sorry to hear that and hope you are OK today. I had a friend in high school who was really quiet but he started to open up to us after hanging with us for a few days and he laughed and told us how his dad would leave him and his bro alone for days with no food. He would only buy dog food so they ended up opening a can of dog food to share. We were like stunned and didn't know what to say. Probably should have called someone but we were in high school and we didn't know how to handle that. Hope he's OK now, he went to the army last I heard.


Sucks being too young to recognize when somebody is trying to ask you for help.


Even worse when you're too young to understand you're being abused because you don't have anything to compare your own family to.


How's about my mum running a daycare out of home and me at 15 showing potential parents leaving their kids with my mum who was gone most the time where and how their kids spent the do day.. she left us (her children) to run the place 90% of the time. Legit won't have kids because of this shit. I fucking spent my childhood raising other kids and feeding and changing diapers..


That's next level of parentification. Sorry you had to sacrifice your childhood like that.


Chronic illness. There’s something very sad about having to be so responsible for your health at such a young age.


And not being able to fully be a kid. You could play and pretend all you want but at the end of the day you have this very adult responsibility that none of the other kids have to deal with.


You just put into words what Ive felt like most of my life. It seems like such a simple combination of words but I could never just hit the nail on the head. Even in my 20s I still feel this way sometimes.


Fucking exactly, although it never felt like an “adult” responsibility when I was a kid, it just made me feel different and alienated. No other kids I befriended could even remotely relate to what I was going through, not that I would I wish that understanding on anyone. Made for a very lonely childhood, and a still lonely adulthood thus far.


And your young friends that don't have the same weight don't understand. I always hated when they said "but you're always sick" in response to me not being able to play that day


I get this response from people now as an adult with chronic illness, I can’t imagine having to hear this as a child. I’m so sorry


"But you don't *look* sick..." Thanks, next time I'll just make sure to be wearing a hospital gown and look like I'm inches from death for you. 🙄 Or my other favorite - "I've heard that if you just then it'll cure your lupus. I read it online!" My favorite is fish oil. I'm allergic to everything seafood. I mean, I guess if I'm dead then I don't have to worry about lupus flares, but...


This phrase echoes in my mind like a dementor. But you're always sick, or you can't always be sick, nobody's that sick. Another fav is you're too young to have x, that's for old people. Edit: a word


Ugh I feel this one


Yeah diabetes comes with a plethora of other issues that range from physical to mental and puberty is just not a good time. Took me a long time to give a shit about my life again Edit: Thanks for all the responses diabetic friends! For those of you struggling day in and day out wondering whether it’s worth it, it absolutely is. I’ve been to those dark places too but it DOES get better I promise. Diabetes doesn’t make you anything but stronger in the end because when shit hits the fan and you’ve spent your whole life dealing with chaos and stress, you’ll be ready. Stay strong 💪


30 years a diabetic. I feel this so deep. Diabetic depression is something that should be treated MORE than the disease.


Almost killed myself at 16 because it would have meant more than half my life as a diabetic. Looking back now with how long I've been diabetic its laughable lol


It never occured to me that some kids would take it so hard until in maybe 8th grade my groups of friends were sitting around talking about husbands careers and houses we would buy. Obviously we were like 13 so a lot of it was ridiculous but when it came to one girls turn she said she doesnt even want to think about it and will take anyone that accepts she has diabetes. I was super shocked because where the hell does that come from? I kept pushing her about it like she was born with it it wasnt a mistake she made or something and doesnt it not change how she looks or acts? She even had a pump to help her manage it which my 13 year old self thought looked cool. I couldnt understand at all why having diabetes would in anyway affect your value or ability to get a husband as an adult.


I have cf and felt this was growing up. Cause why would anyone wanna date the sick girl who’s gonna die early? Thankfully my soon to be husband and lots of soul searching helped me find my worth and learn that I am able to love and be loved so deeply anyone would be lucky to experience even if it’s shorter.


Cancer. Ages 4-16. 4 different times in 4 different places. Age 4 thyroid surgery followed by the maximum allowed radiation therapy to most of my torso, neck and lower jaw. Age 8 surgery to remove 1/3 of right lung followed by chemotherapy. Age 12 spot in left lung irradiated followed by chemotherapy. Age 16 left kidney, spleen, partial left pectoral and partial left thigh muscle removed. Followed by chemotherapy. Told I would possibly not walk and if I did it would be with a limp. Left hospital only weighing 59 pounds (less than 27 Kg) having to be fed intravenously for months. Fortunately that was 40 years ago and, all things considered, I’m happy and doing great. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but the silver lining is that it made me a better person. Edit - WOW! Thank you so very much for the awards and well wishes!! You literally made me cry happy tears, multiple times. Several asked really good questions that I want to try to answer here. Was I able to walk again? Yes! WoooHoooo! My left leg is still noticeably weaker but I was able to build up the rest of my left thigh muscles to compensate and not only can I walk but don’t even limp at all! I still have issues with nerve damage (and occasional pain) but hey! I still have both legs! Any more cancer or issues after that (16)? Yes, plenty. And enough that it could get me down if I dwelled on but instead I dwell on the MANY things I have to be THANKFUL for. Like being alive! LOL! One thing I’ll share which I find ironic is having had skin cancer (basal cell) over a dozen times all over where I had the radiation therapy. I’ve had spots from my waist to my ears, cut off, burned off (it’s really weird to experience the smell of your own flesh burning. And then also very sad to recognize that EXACT same smell at ground zero in NYC days after 9-11) frozen off and surgically removed (MOHS). I even have a procedure scheduled in less than 2 weeks to have another spot removed. So all that to say, it’s ironic that what was meant to be the cure (radiation), now has become the cause. NOT complaining, just sharing and HAPPY to be ALIVE! Do I have any good or happy memories from that time? YES! Thankfully far too many to share here. The AMAZING, multiple support groups I was blessed with gave me so MANY good memories! I’ll share one of the many. As a boy I enjoyed drawing Snoopy and Woodstock (from the Peanuts cartoon) and would write thank you notes to nurses and different people in the hospital (even the kitchen staff for the food LOL!) and each thank you note included a drawing of Snoopy. Word of this somehow got to Charles Schultz and he sent me a personal, hand drawing of Snoopy! What did you learn from it? A LOT! So much it could easily fill a book. I’ll try to share the highlights here as briefly as I can. The biggest secret I’ve learned, so far, was becoming completely at peace with my past. Completely. Not as easy as it might sound. This meant eventually forgiving every person for every act. Including forgiving myself. For everything. Also, what moments from the past would trigger *any* sadness, anger or frustration? This also meant working through every moment from my past, in my mind, and coming to peace with it. Obviously some moments are much harder than others, and this was not a quick process, but I eventually did it. What a ball and chain to get rid of! I was surprised how much my past had been affecting my present. No more! I can now enjoy each moment, the present, now, so much more, because I'm now, finally, completely at peace, with my entire past. And a wonderful byproduct of dealing completely with my past, is that it makes it so much easier to deal with any bad moments that occur in the present. Also, I should have first shared the importance of courage. Because without courage you cannot completely overcome everything in your past. I found that when I was especially having difficulty with something in my past, it usually stemmed from a lack of courage. Thank you again, so much(!), for the well wishes! As my dad says, “It was a little thing for you, but it was a big thing for me!” ❤️


Wow, that is a LOT for a kid to deal with. I'm glad you're still with us!


Thank you! It was also a LOT for my parents to deal with but they came through it better instead of bitter.


You're a fighter! i'm happy for you!


Thank you! There is so much in life to be happy about! I definitely don’t look like a fighter on the outside (LOL!) but I definitely am one (in a good way) on the inside! Thank you again!


Man. This reminds me of my Grandfather who just passed on Sunday. Dude was 90, had a great physical life and only had to stop about 5 years ago. He did amazingly. Developed cancer behind his nose, Chemo would have wiped him so he did Radiation. They burned him back accident and the cancer didn’t even go away. It spread to his liver, then all over. About 3 months ago he could hear anymore. On his last day (I saw him 3 hours before he died) he was so tired he couldn’t open his eyes. He was awake. I was fine with that, we could hold his hand. But what’s really breaking me is that he was in pain, and scared. I’ve got school starting tomorrow so I don’t have time to greave right, I just have to power through. I wrote him a song he never got to hear. I wish I played it for him.


i'm so sorry you had to go through this. i'm certain he loved you all so much and was extremely grateful and felt at peace with you there to hold his hand. i hope school isn't stressful for you, and if you need a friend to just talk to then i'm here. <3


Oh God, many condolences. That’s a harrowing thought not having the opportunity to grieve properly and the fact he never got to hear a song you wrote for him just breaks my heart further🥺


Poverty Edit: wow thanks for all the awards and comments. Looks like many of us have been impacted/traumatized. For anyone in the struggle, keep your head up because youre doing the best you can.


It can eff you up mentally and physically. My boyfriend couldn't afford doctors as a child and to this day he insistently avoids them and will put the money towards literally everything else


Yeah poverty isn’t exactly helpful for a child’s development. I attribute a lot of my social problems to my realization at a young age that my family was poor as dirt. Because of this, I saw myself as being on a much lower, much different level than my peers, so I wouldn’t make many friends. I still can’t make new friends easily, and I’m in college.


Poverty is also frequently accompanied by neglect which is horrible for child development. My parents worked long hours and often left me on my own. I had nothing to do other than watch TV or wander the streets. It was a crucial time to develop good habits in my life and I had no guidance whatsoever. I spent most of my childhood ashamed of how painfully stupid I was and I still suffer from horrible attention deficiency.




Oh yes. Nothing says poverty trauma when spending is either excessive due to not having a lot or to little because of guilt as an adult. I remember for being shamed for asking my parents to buy basic required supplies for school and then get yelled at by my teachers.


There's a story my mom told me about 3 years old me. Me and her were out to buy groceries. Someone on the street was selling the cute shiny glass figurines and we stopped to look at them. I loved the elephant figurine so much, and I asked my mom if we can buy that it. She said "no, we can't have it" - "why?" - "because we need that money for food". "I understand", I answered, and never asked for anything shiny and useless for years. But of course I didn't remember the story itself because I was too young, I only have a faint picture of that elephant in my memory. No feeling of tragedy over that particular elephant. And we got better financially. But the state of mental block when I'm buying something that isn't vital is still there and probably will never go away.


This needs to be higher on the list. It’s so demoralizing and soul crushing to not understand why you don’t have what those other people have. Why you feel dirtier or don’t feel safety.


Sexual abuse and my parents not really being supportive in that matter. Moreso ashamed. They have failed, I was a little child.


I feel this. My parents didn't do anything in way of reporting it because they were friends with the two brothers mom. They just packed us up and moved. Never spoke of it again except to force me to go see a therapist like it was a shameful secret. Still refuse to acknowledge it and constantly talk about how I was such "an awful teenager." Geez I fucking wonder why mom.


I do not want to denigrate your experience as a survivor, but I want you to know that when I was raped and my mom reported it, the next five years of my life were utter hell with trying to get through the legal system with a trial that kept being put off, my mother milking it for some obscene munchausens-like pity for herself and subsequently being labeled a “bad kid” because I had emotional trauma from all of it. Reporting it made all of it worse in my situation. I hope you feel better as an adult, and realize none of that was your fault.


Thank you. I know deep down reporting it and going through that legal circus would have been hell and damaging, but it felt like I wasn't given a choice. And like it was made to be no big deal. My parents are decent people but they have zero emotional intelligence. Not once did they have a conversation with me about it. It's just like it didn't happen to them. I'm sure the grass is always greener and it's hard to know how you'd react as a parent, I suppose. I guess it's just one of those situations that sucks no matter how you respond to it, ya know?


I was hit regularly from 5 to 11 years old, and I thought that was normal, my parents would make insults like “Why aren’t you as good as him?” “Why are you dumb?” “You didn’t say thank you to her! Your degrading her!” “Your a demon!” I thought all of that was normal. Come to find out when I was 12-13 I realized those weren’t right, and it really messed me up, combined with puberty and Asian parents it made some pretty messy disasters. I currently have mild depression, self-esteem issues, and mild anxiety, I don’t think my parents would or could ever know, and if they did, they would say as all parents say “It’s because of that damn phone”


So when I was probably like 7 or 8 I was out shopping with my mom. I think we were at either target or Walmart. Anyways, I had to go to the bathroom. I pop in, and start to pee as this older guy, my guess is in his 30’s to 40’s comes in and stands next to me. He starts talking to me in a very soft voice and starts caressing my arm all while I’m fully dick in hand peeing. I felt very uncomfortable with the situation, cut my stream short and ran out of the bathroom. Obviously at the time I didn’t know what was happening, but did know that this was a strange man touching me in a bathroom and I wasn’t cool with it. From that point forward till my early 30’s I could not, under any circumstances pee at a urinal. I had this weird mental block. I had blocked out the memory entirely, so for a long time I didn’t even understand why I couldn’t. I had to train myself to be able to use a urinal. I felt so weird during that. Just standing at a urinal, Dick in hand, willing myself to pee, and nothing coming out. Eventually I managed it , and can now urinate like a normal person but it legitimately took years to manage to do it.


My son is almost 8 and I hate letting him go in the men’s room alone for fear of something like this happening. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope you’re okay now.


Being sexually assaulted by someone who I thought was my best friend when I was 13. And then when I told my mom, his mom, and the police, they didn't believe me. But then, a few months later, he was arrested for sexually assaulting his cousin's 6 year old daughter. Because he was stupid enough to record it, and the tape was found by his mom.


Curious to know what was your mom's reaction after she found out about the arrest


She still didn't believe me. I remember her saying that I was making it up for attention. Which is impossible, because I've been extremely introverted my whole life.


Sounds like /r/RaisedByNarcissists material.


My mom was not a nice person to me growing up. I was either ignored or yelled at for things that had nothing to do with me. Nothing else.. The reason I moved to a different state after junior high was because of her. A few days after school ended she had a bad day at work, and when she got home that night I was her punching bag. Neighbors called the police, and she was arrested. Charged (and convicted) with felony battery to a minor. Went to jail for 6 months. I was pretty much forced to move in with my aunt and uncle halfway across the country. They took way better care of me than I could have hoped for. The only time I saw my mom in person since then was the day I graduated from high school. My grandma said that she showed up at the start of the ceremony, but then left as soon as my name was called and I got my diploma. My grandma always calls me on my birthday to let me know that she talked to her on the phone the night before. She has my phone number, but refuses to call me because she thinks I ruined her life, like it's my fault she's a felon and can't get or keep a decent job.


It’s good to know that you were, and probably still are, loved by someone.


I [low key] was hoping to see if there was more Information as well.


Was there any apologies for not believing you or did they just try to sweep it under the rug?


From his mom, yes (in the form of a small note she left on our apartment door). But not from mine. She thought that I was lying for attention.


Oh yeah, my childhood was just dudes pretending to dad to get mom and then take advantage of me. What a fucking shit show. How I didn't go down many paths of destruction I will never know. Orphanage and the fucking system are all atrocious.


Emotional abuse from both parents even though they had divorced when i was 5. General neglect from both parents. Pretty sure dcfs was contacted by the school when i was in first grade (repeated but the first time) since i was so weird in school. Psychologists appointments resulted but not sure it resulted in anything. Then dad getting a lawyer to sue for full custody didnt help much either as the verbal assults thru myself to each parent was abusive. 47 now and relationships have been rough which is why i gave up and stay single. Kinda just be glad when i take my last breathe as not much on this earth to enjoy really...


Have you seen a therapist as an adult? It’s hard work but it’s the best investment I have ever made. I had a similarly traumatic childhood (+physical abuse) and therapy and meditation, learning to love myself, etc have dramatically improved my outlook on life (used to be suicidal). Read From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. It’ll get you started on your journey. Of course relationships are rough when the first relationship you ever had (parents) and the way you learned to interact with the world was rough. Whether you realize it or not, those internalized “skills” and coping mechanisms you learned as a child overwhelmingly get carried over into how you interact with people, especially a romantic partner as they tend to be closer than other relationships you may have. As you heal, relationships with others become easier.


My grandmother was murdered. My dad busted through the front door then ran up the stairs with blood on him saying his mother was dead, he crying like a baby holding my mom. Apparently my Step Grandfather bludgeoned her over alcohol money. I was 5. It was two months after 9/11. Edit: Forgot to add that my dad was the one that found her dead. Edit #2: Here is the proof https://law.justia.com/cases/virginia/court-of-appeals-unpublished/2004/1719033.html


That's traumatizing, definitely. Wow. I feel bad for you but I also really feel bad for your dad for having to witness it full on. I hope that you all managed to get help or recover a bit from that although I can totally see how that is hard to do.


Parents abandoned us. Nanny was too close/intimate with me that I thought it was normal. Neighbor abused me when I was 14. And a lot more.


Witnessing my aunt shoot her girlfriend over a misunderstanding- her friend survived only to be killed 12 years later by her child’s father who kidnapped her put her in a trunk and shoot her to death - she called her mother from the trunk pleading for help but there was nothing she could do . This made national headlines when her boyfriend killed her . I was 6 years old when I saw my aunt shoot her and my aunt was maybe 19. She didn’t go to prison and actually her friend testified on her behalf for her not to . I was just providing context of how her life ultimately unfortunately ended- it was just so fucked up . Edit : I included the link to the story https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theledger.com/article/20090401/News/608134740%3ftemplate=ampart Also it states he suffocated her not shot her . 2nd edit : I also wanted to add my aunt and her friend both were basketball players and both received sport scholarships for college- due to this incident - both of their lives were forever changed and neither were able to attend college . My aunt lost her scholarship due to the charges assessed and her friend physically couldn’t play any more . They both were excellent players and contributed to their school qualifying for the state championship 2 years in a row. I think my aunt never got over how both of their lives were permanently altered- I I use this word lightly due to her gross negative negligence. 3rd edit : I was discussing this with my mom and she advised the bullet was never removed from Jennifer’s chest - the one whom was shot as it was too dangerous of a procedure as to where it was located. Also , she mentioned my aunt had attempted suicide in jail after she realized what she had done after the alcohol wore off .


This is so sad. What a tragedy humans have made life into.


Agreed . I meant to elaborate with my aunt that evening - they both had been drinking and got into an argument about something and that’s when my aunt shot her once in the chest . Not trying to justify her actions whatsoever just trying to provide a little insight .


my mum telling me that she wished she'd worked out she was pregnant with me early enough to have an abortion. i mean i get it logically now i'm an adult, but i didn't need to hear that at 10.


My dad once said that to me. Not abortions because he was my dad, but that he never wanted to have kids and he wished he never did.


Was raised in a cult, molested by multiple people including immediate family, emotionally and physically abused by older brother, alcoholic and similarly abusive mother, dad left when I was 5, first girl I fell in love with was murdered by her father in a murder/suicide. Edit: damn, thanks for all the love and support, y’all. 🙏


Yeh I could see that fucking a child up


How are you doing now? I hope better. I am sure you have heard all the sorry for your experiences but I hope you have gotten help or just are working through it for you. I hope life is better for you now.


I thought I was doing okay. Been battling bipolar depression for the last 10 or so years. The last two years have been extremely rough. Trying to get on medication but the US healthcare system makes me want to eat a bullet.


I haven't been through what you've been through but I have my own set of problems. Directed towards getting Healthcare and treatment: if you can get some type of public insurance (medi-cal is what it is here) you can download an app called livehealth and be connected with a psychiatrist within a few hours and get prescribed whatever the doctors feel is appropriate. Nothing is worse than eating a bullet and almost everyone who lives after an attempt regrets it. Try to get the help you need and until then please feel free to DM whenever. This too shall pass.


When I was about 7 years old me and my brother were play wrestling around with my dad (He is actually my stepdad but he's raised me since I was like 2 months old). We were climbing on his back and pulling on him and stuff and we were all laughing. He would sit forward and one of us would get behind his back and he would lean back real fast and squish us between his back and the couch and we would just laugh hysterically and try to wiggle free. Well I hear my mama call for me suddenly, and so I run off to go find her. The moment I turned the corner where my dad and brother couldn't see me my mom slammed me up against the wall and slapped me in the face hard. She busted my lip open. I went from smiling and giggling and playing to almost pissing myself in terror and confusion. She got up real real close to my face and whispered to me to not to ever wrestle with my dad again. To stay away from him. She gave no explanation.. From then on when my brother and my dad would wrestle and play around I would leave the room. When my dad would sit on the couch I would sit as far away on the other side of the couch as I possibly could. It hurt so bad and I was so confused. I love my dad with all of my heart. That man saved my life multiple times. He has always been there for me. I just didn't understand what I did wrong. What was wrong with me? I often wonder if she ever said anything to him about what she did. If he ever wondered why I suddenly started acting different.. or if she just made some excuse for it. I found out many many years later (as an adult) that when my mom was around my age she was raped by her stepdad and nobody believed her, and the ones who did believe her blamed her. Her stepdad went on to rape another little girl years later and my mom had to stand up in court and testify against him. He groomed that little girl and raped her almost exactly the way he did it to my mama. It kind of clicked for me then, that in some fucked up trauma-induced way she was trying to protect me. She didn't want me to get close to him. She ended up ripping me and my brother out of my dad's life when I was around 12 and became a really bad drug addict. She put us in some pretty horrible situations. Used us to get drugs. She couldn't stand when I cried. So she would hit me, drag me around by my hair.. I would cry harder.. she would hit me harder. Until we were both exhausted and sobbing. Her new drug addict boyfriend had to rip her off of me a few times. Despite all that, I loved her so much. She was my mom and I held on really really tight to all those good memories before she started acting the way she did. Now she's gone.. drug overdose. And I struggle on a regular basis, trying to figure out if I actually love her or if I hate her.. trying to put some sort of logic behind the stuff that she did. Trying to figure out when do you stop blaming the trauma and the drugs and start blaming the person who made the decisions and never attempted to get help. Where is the fucking line that separates it?


Thank you so much for sharing. Your vulnerability and emotional honesty was really moving to read.


OMG..rollercoaster of a read Hope you are fine now... One question: What happened to your step-father?


Still here. He's my rock. I truly believe that if he wasn't in my life I would have ended up a drug addict myself. Drugs would have been the only thing that I knew. He was the only adult around me that wasn't popping pills. I could never bring myself to talk to him about all the things that happened though. He couldn't do anything. He wasn't legally my dad. He had no rights to me and I'm sure if he had tried my mama would have disappeared with us never to be seen again. I tried several times to convince her to let me go live with him. She would scream and cry and tell me I didn't love her. Basically guilt trip me. I started getting scared that she wouldn't let me see him anymore. His house was my safe heaven. Spending weeks with him kept me going. I know it hurt him. And I hate that way more than anything I went through. I can never tell him how bad it really was. It wouldn't fix anything.. It would just make him sad. I'm doing okay though. I have those rough sleepless nights where I can't stop thinking about everything sometimes, but I have a job. I have a nice little family. I have a child that will never never go though what I did. And my dad likes to brag about how proud he is of me and that's better than any achievement I could ever think of, though I'm not entirely sure he knows how much weight those words really hold for me.




I normally don't do this, I.e., tell painful stories from my past. My parents were addicts, plain and simple. My mother was an alcoholic who drank herself to death at 52, my father was a heroin addict, who's drug use was so severe, he had to get his leg amputated, due to decades of excessive heroin use. He died at 64, ten years after my mother. My heart goes out to your situation, but just remember this. What you have been through, however negative or unfortunate, does not define you as a person. I grew up in an abusive home, in a dysfunctional environment, the abuse got so bad, as a teenager, that I had to spend time in a youth shelter and a foster home. I even spent two weeks in a psych ward. I learned to look back on those times, with an objective point of view. There was a time when I was angry for what I had to experience, but now, at 43, I refuse to bear that burden. It's truly sad that your mother had such a horrible life, if only things could have been different. I don't know if you believe in forgiveness or not, but, just remember this. If you're not willing to forgive, at least be willing to be objective. For being angry about your past, can lead you down to self-destructive pursuits, and you don't need any more pain, than what you already have accrued. Learn from her mistakes, in order that you may become a better person. Hope that helps. God Bless.


my parents. mother is a narcissist and bipolar. father was an enabler. they were each alcoholics and had no business being together or having a family together. the years of manipulation and lies and victim blaming ruined my childhood. i can barely remember any good parts of it, just the bad. i witnessed them beat each other up and scream in front of me. i was thrown down the stairs often during fights, my door was kicked in once, was told to kill and cut myself, kicked out and passed between them every few weeks whenever they got tired of me after they divorced. all while my mother maintained a perfect image of herself to everyone on the outside. made me feel like i was going crazy and that i was the problem. i turn 20 this week and still get flashbacks from certain events. im trying to mentally recover still.


When I was around 9 or 10 our chest freezer stopped working while we were gone. So My mom had me clean it out. That night stray cats knocked down the trash. And after the whole day sitting out in the sun I had to clean rotten fly swarmed meat off our gravel drive way. The sound and feeling of hundreds of flys around my head in my nose in my ears biting me trying to dig into my armpits and the back of my ears. The smell of flys smells like rotten fish. So now when a fly wont stop bothering me I will spend way to long focused entirely on killing it.


I now feel 10 times worse than I did before reading that. I'm not sure but I think that's a compliment?


Abuse from my mother both mentally and physically it’s taken a toll on my state of mind of the world altogether


Sorry to hear that my only advice is to push forward and ask for help when you need it. Getting help when you need it is often the greatest and most difficult thing you can do.


I hear you


When a kid in 1st grade told me I had a weird smile. After that, I covered my mouth whenever I laughed or smiled until I was 20 and in college. It's weird how little things affect you so much as a kid some times


The following is something that I think about a lot that’s similar to what happened to you. A few years ago, I want to say maybe Junior year of high school, I was talking to my friends about the laundry situation at my dads house. Basically, the washer and dryer are in a separate building about 20 feet from the house. The inside of that building is fucking disgusting, but the main topic of the conversation was that the roof was caving in, so there was a constant smell of wet, rotting wood in there. Well, one of my friends immediately pipes up and says “oh, so that’s why you smell like rotten wood all the time” (I’m paraphrasing, but that’s basically the gist of it). That has stuck with me ever since he said it. I’ve always wondered if people had been talking about me smelling like rotten wood all throughout high school, and that I didn’t know it. Even though I don’t live there anymore, I’m still self-conscious about the way that I smell.


Ugh I feel this. I was the smelly kid in school. It's made me paranoid about it in adult life.


Yeah. What made it worse for me is that I just don’t have a good sense of smell. There was one girl in our class that people would always complain about because she apparently smelled *awful*, but I could never smell a thing, even if I was standing right next to her.


Yep, of those comments that aren't intentionally mean, but are inadvertently revealing, that really really struck6 with you. Because you know the person had no intention to hurt you, it's even more since it's clearly true.


Had a jerk in 4th grade exclaim, “holy hairy arms!” At me in the middle of class and all the kids snickered. I later had to go to the hospital for a staph infection because I cut myself really bad trying to shave my arms. I was really embarrassed so I didn’t tell anybody until I physically couldn’t stop myself from crying. I now hate the feeling of body hair on my skin, and I’m pretty sure I pull out my hair (trichotillomania) because I was so embarrassed to have been called “gorilla girl” by my classmates.


I read years ago a comment saying never make fun of a smile or a laugh. This can make someone feel bad about what they do when they are happy. Ive told my kids this as well as encouraged them to do one thing a day to make someone smile.


Those early traumas...1st day of kindergarten a kid told me I dress weird and it changed how I dress forever. In PreK kids bullied my then 4yo son for having shoulder length hair and called him a girl. He's in 1st grade now and refuses to grow his hair out again even though he likes how it looked. I was just telling my husband about the few times my dad spanked me when I was 5 or 6 and then threatened to use a belt because I had nightmares/terrors and was waking him up at night. It was only like twice but I spent the rest of my childhood just lying awake having panic attacks for hours because I was afraid to sleep but also afraid to wake him up. I had full on hallucinations(and still do) sometimes. He wasn't abusive normally but still that fucked me up and I still can't sleep normally.


I know my experience isn't half as bad as what I've read here, but I still wanted to share since it's something I still think about to this day. Some context: My parents immigrated from Vietnam after the war to the Midwest because a family had sponsored them and they moved out there. I knew early on of their struggles so I did my best in school for them to be proud of me. I grew up being incredibly quiet/shy but was very well liked amongst my teachers and peers because I was kind and got along with everyone for a grade schooler. In 3rd grade, there was a new lunch lady who started working there mid-year. At the end of lunch, she came up to me, handed me a wet rag, and told me to wipe down the tables. She walked away and because my English was still developing, I couldn't catch up to her to tell her that the older 5th graders had that responsibility. My class was quickly leaving and I didn't want to be left behind, so I left the rag on the table and ran to catch up with them. The next day, the lunch lady yanked me out from the lunch line and made me sit in isolation and silence in front of where the rest of my class would be sitting nearby. I knew that this was because of me not wiping the tables the day before, so I didn't say anything back because I didn't want to get in more trouble. My friends saw me sitting there by myself and was yelling at me to come sit with them, but I had to ignore them and stay silent. They kept yelling and yelling for me to look at them and then I started crying. I can still remember that feeling of helplessness and having to divert my eyes to ignore my friends. When it was near the end of lunch, my teacher heard my friends yelling and saw that I was sitting in isolation. She also tried to ask me what happened, but the lunch lady said that I was not supposed to talk to anyone until lunch time ended or else I'd get into more trouble. I remember seeing at the corner of my eye my teacher confronting her and how upset my teacher looked. I don't recall this lunch lady working more than just a few more days after that incident. Looking back at what happened, I can understand if there was some sort of miscommunication and misunderstanding and sometimes I wonder if she quit/was let go because of me. I'd feel guilty at times because maybe she didn't deserve that. But often times I wonder why she picked on me in the first place. I just wish I had gotten the time to talk to her.


Adults know what they are doing and know that they shouldn't be abusive and bully children. She had it coming and I can guarantee you weren't the only kid who went through this. Usually if someone at some point gets their job taken it's due to repeat offenses so I'm sure some other kids complained on her too. :(


Teacher here: you had no part in whatever outcome she faced! She was an adult, she was wrong, and she most likely doubled down instead of acknowledged her “mistake” (though I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t racially motivated that she singled you out).


Trying to “save” my parents marriage. In doing so I was thrown up against a wall and choked by my father(who was a police officer at the time) and having to fight my dad off my mother to protect her. The shitty part is that my mom always made excuses for my dad saying he was in “cop mode” so that was supposed to make everything ok.


Terrible. I’m so sorry.


It’s ok. I believe in karma and my father definitely got his, he eventually lost his job as a police officer and my mother.


My parents constantly making their problems mine


My parents freaking out over me getting a little chubby before my growth spurt. My relationship with food has been awful ever since.




I feel this deeply, I remember when I was 9-10 telling my mum during dinner that I had a sore shoulder, and her reply was 'it's obviously not stopping you digging in with your fork' and looking me up and down. It sounds so stupid now but it cut me so deep as a semi chubby angsty preteen and that comment (among others) paved the way for disordered eating for pretty much the next 15 years.


It does not sound stupid now. It was clearly a dig at your size for no fucking reason. What a horrible thing to say.


Being molested by my brother from when I was a baby to 7, with my mother allowing it. Then being shamed and ostracized by her because of how I acted out from out from the molestation.


I hope you’re doing well nowadays. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that. :/


That is so fucked up, I hate how dangerous people are protected by loved ones


Visualization of grandfather's body being under his house suffering when we couldn't find him. 3 days later it's where he was found.


Being homeschooled until junior high. I was extremely sheltered until then. I basically only started making friends 2 years before I turned 11. I had only one friend before that. We moved when I was between 11-12. And during the new school year of the following year I entered 7th grade. I was completely introverted. I had no friends now because I was in a new state. , when I did speak it was to day something smart in class because I didn't know better. I didn't do anything totally ubsurd, but I didn't know how to make friends. The only upside is that I didn't feel any less awkward with boys than girls so it played to my advantage once I had 2 terrible years of being totally alone and having no friends. I found out because I was so sheltered and isolated as a kid I developed a nonverbal learning disorder. Apparently it made it difficult for me to judge nonverbal social cues. I had to actively train my brain to understand what body language meant. I actually took acting classes at school and it ended up helping. I have no idea if I still have the disorder. But it took years of literally reprogramming my brain to make myself feel normal.


yeahhhhh this one hits. grew up homeschooled in a conservative, sheltered household. i began public high school as a junior then moved a year later across the country to a different high school, which was a complete culture shock. i’m 21 now and i can talk to people fine. i actually love just conversing and listening to people. but jesus christ if they knew how fucking confused i was the entire time. i take things much too literally and my friends are used to conversations abruptly ending because i was completely misunderstanding them. i really just fly by the seat of my pants and guess a lot. it’s had its pros and cons.


My mom has had splitting headaches most of her adult life. One of these headaches she was just sitting on the couch crying because my step-dad at the time was drunkenly yelling at her for crying over a headache. As he was getting more and more pissed, she was crying louder and louder. Eventually he walked outside, and came back in a few moments later with a shovel, he through it at me, then walked into our spare bedroom and grabbed a shot gun, came back out and put it to my moms head as he was screaming at me to go “dig your mom a hole, I’m gonna blow her fuckin head off” so I did. I started digging a hole in the woods about 40 yards from the house to bury my fucking mom at 10-12 years old. I heard a gun go off and I took off into the woods, past our property line and into state game lands. I returned the first night to get my dog that was always chained up our back and went back into the woods for 2 more days. I stayed by a creek and made a fire and cooked crayfish just me and my dog. On day 3 I heard a 4-wheeler on a path that was about 100 yard from where I was at the creek and I heard my mom yelling for me. Turns out he just shot the gun in the air off of my back porch. I’ve had many years of therapy because of that man but that was the worst thing he ever did to me. I saw him at a popular creek spot about 5 years ago, way after my mom had left him, passed out drunk and I stood over him with the tail of my skateboard aimed at his teeth, but I didn’t go through with it. I wanted to bash his face in for 11 years of physical and emotional abuse but all in all, I’m better than him. And I always will be. He taught me what not to be, and as a step parent of a 4 year old girl, I will always be better than that man Edit: thank you guys for all the heartfelt words, I really appreciate it! Even though my childhood was a little rough around the edges, it made me a better person. Also for clarification, it wasn’t my biological dad, I keep seeing people saying “dad”. My real dad is an amazing, strong person and didn’t know this was going on at the time. I also want to let people know that even though you could be struggling right now, it does get better. I was majorly depressed and suicidal throughout all of my teenage years but I still held my head high and so can you. Life seems pointless sometimes but I promise someone cares, even if it’s random strangers on the internet. Reach out to people if you need help.


Wow, I am so sorry you had to go through that. But holy shit good for you for rising above him, getting help, and continuing to be a positive person for you 4 yr old. You should be immensely proud of yourself. Also, happy your Mom got away from him too and that she didn’t die!


Thank you! It’s a huge plus that she didn’t die! She ended up having a kid with him and I told her to leave him so my little brother could have a better life than I did. I raised him for the first 3 years and he’s a wonderful kid! He’s 9 now


Wow man. Your story is inspiring. I'm amazed that you survived in the woods alone at that age!


I went camping a lot alone with my dog. Obviously he didn’t care that I was gone for a night every now and then. I actually suppressed all that happened for years and those three days were a “camping trip” and the hole I dug was for a “turkey trap” I blocked it out fairly quickly because every time he would do something suuuper fucked up, he’d get sober for about a week or 2 and buy me a dirt bike, 4-wheeler or something like that


I thought my father occasionally mentally and physically abusing me was bad. This is insane. I hope the rest of your life is peaceful. Let’s not be like our fathers.


I agree, let’s not. But also don’t undermine anything that happened to you, abuse is abuse in all forms


Was the cause of the headache eventually known?


Ocular migraines. I get them too.


I get ocular migraines too. Except there is no pain. I'm just blind af for about 45 min. Only happens twice a year and started when I was about 26. Freaked me out the first time it happened. Thought I was having a stroke


Man...I hope I remember this story if I ever get a similar chance. My moms bf held her hostage for 2 weeks while he raped her, beat her and forced her to do drugs. I was shown a picture of my mom as a young kid and her face was so beaten I couldn't recognize her. If I ever meet this man again, I'm sure I will try to hurt him a lot.


Well that was harrowing


I would’ve definitely bashed his head in. You have the self control of a saint


I dont think anyone would have blamed you if you blasted the dude in the mouth with it. As long as you could get away


I had a seriously pondered it. I stood above him for a solid 3-5 minutes and if I did do it I don’t think I would have cared if I got away with it or not. I would have wanted him to know I did it


> I had a seriously pondered it. I think the fact you didn't do it just confirms you are 1000x better than he can ever be.


That wasn't a Man. BUT, YOU ARE! Hope you are healing.


Oh for sure! Processing that it happened came years later, but I have an excellent relationship with my mom now which is cool


Being abused sexually,physically, and mentally as a young boy. Than being blamed as a teen for planting drugs on my brother who was an oxy addict. But could do know wrong in my so called parent's eyes. Fuck them all It led me to have a very pessimistic view on life. And not trust a single human. I believe everyone is automatically an asshole


I ate some peanut butter out of my grandfathers jar, I was about 10 at the time. I lied and said I didn't do it when he went to eat some. (There were foods I wasn't allowed to have, because they were his and expensive ie peanut butter, milk, steak, cereal, crackers, basically anything he liked I wasn't allowed to have) He got so pissed about this, he made me pack a suit case. He said he was taking me to juvenile hall for being a liar. I didn't know what to say. He drove me to McDonald's for one last meal. I remember my grandmother pleading with him not to do this. I cried in to my cheese burger as they argued. Finally she convinced him to not do it. He told me she was the only reason he didn't drive the two hours and dump me in front of the building that night. I am older now, and it will still seize me up if I think about it. He died at the tail end of October in 2019, and I refused to see him on his death bed, even though he raised me. That was just a drop in the bucket, his cruelty towards me could fill a good size lake, and I am Still processing the abuse and neglect from that man.


My paternal grandfather was like this- cruel and callous, to say the least. I don't ever remember him telling anyone he loved them- his widowed mom, wife, children, grandchildren, etc., for example. Bullying and cutting remarks, racism, condescension, and/or the like also made appearances at just about every family visit, too. He died in 2013, seven years after I cut him out of my life when I was sixteen. I had expected to be sympathetic to my dad's family's plight even though I didn't care much for said grandfather. To my surprise and distress, I was almost apathetic when I got the news from my sister! Such was my relief that he could never have another chance to harm either my sister or me, by way of explanation! Hopefully you have been able to surround yourself with supportive loved ones and take as much time as you need to heal, as I was fortunate to be able to do? Keep up the excellent work and I pray life progresses beautifully for you!


Some people are sick. I’m sorry you went through this. I hope you find comfort.


My dad was deployed to the gulf war in the 90s. He had a mental breakdown and came back. He threatened my mother with a gun and disappeared. He eventually reappeared, and has been in and out of the hospital every few years ever since. Most recently, he almost became homeless because he was completely off his medication and he had horded himself into his apartment, resulting in him getting evicted for being a fire hazard. After my father left, we left home as well. I don’t know if it was for safety or financial reasons, but we lived with another family for a little while. My mother drank a lot when I was growing up. It was a big source of problems in our collective lives for a long time. We didn’t have much money, but my mom somehow went to school and worked full time while my sister and I found ways out of the rural south (college). I think a lot of this would have been hard to deal with, but growing up with an absent father due to chronic severe mental health issues makes it harder.




Pretty mild compared to others I'm sure, but my mom regularly would shoot down any dream I had. I'm talking from the age of like 6. She'd ask what I wanted to be when I grew up. I'd say something like a professional skateboarder or whatever thing I was into at the time. Instead of saying something like "Okay that's a great dream, you'll have to work really hard and might even need a back up plan" it was "Yeah that's impossible, so pick something realistic" While I'm not a pro skater, I did finally figure out how to ignore that voice she planted in my head and took a leap of faith in 2018 to work in the live streaming industry. I streamed full time on Twitch for a year or so, then did some video editing work along side it. Then found my way to being contracted with a nonprofit working with streamers to do fundraising streams and managing multiple YouTube channels for them, while still streaming some on my own. It's as close to a dream gig as I could get.


That’s awesome


Abusive Father,verbal,hitting.Mother just stood around and said nothing to protect us.my only brother checked out at 23.


My older sister constantly beating me, harassing me. One day I came home from school. My sister met me at the door with a shoe box. I knew what was on the box as we had recently watched the movie 'Whaterver Happened To Baby Jane?" Sure enough it was my pet bird dead in the box. She just crazily laughed and laughed thinking she was so funny and clever. I was sad and disgusted. Earlier she let the dog kill my bird just so she could give hi to me in a box. She was a sick bitch. I cut off all contact with her several years ago. Very toxic person.


I killed my grandpa when I was 7. It was completely accidental/coincidental, but I never stopped feeling guilty & responsible for it. My grandpa was a quiet guy, hardworking Depression-Era type who enjoyed nothing more than relaxing in his favorite chair (which sat in the corner of the living room, facing a large entryway that opened the hallway to the adjoining TV room, bedroom, and bath). I used to take all the pillows off the sofa in the TV room, hide in the hallway, and launch the pillows at him while he sat in his chair. One day I got him good--he was reading the newspaper and I hurled a little pillow that tore through his paper and startled us both. A weird look came over his face like pain & confusion--I don't remember much between that look, and the paramedics working on him on the floor. I remember watching the EMTs with him and my Grandma being hysterical and wanting to stay with him. She sent me to the neighbors house and we baked cookies. I found out later he died of a heart attack. Nobody except he and I ever knew about the surprise pillow attack until I was in my 30s. My siblings idolized my Grandpa and were never the same after his death. I spent a lot of time feeling responsible for their grief.


Dateline. Our parents watched it while casually making dinner like it was nothing. Edit: Thanks for the reward! First one ever. I’d like to also say that this is coming from a someone who had cancer as a kid lol, so if that doesn’t say something…


I've said this my entire life


My parents got divorced, and as I grew up, each parent would try to make me hate the other parent. My father, abandoned us, was verbally and physically abusive, he was a war vet, and when he got back, he’d get drunk, and angry and he threw things a lot. My mother, she raised me, along with my Abuela. I hated having to go over there to see him, and growing up between two households sucked, I never had a constant home, still to this day. Other fucked up situations friends have put me in, family, just a lot of bad factors growing up. Trying to keep my head up high for everyone else, when I was just falling apart inside, still am. Recently, my ex girlfriend was taken from me, and I couldn’t even say goodbye, and it put me in the situation to have to live at my dads house. Everyday it gets more difficult, and I dislike the people here more and more, I just wanna get out. I have one more year until I can move out, and I can’t wait.


Being sexually abused from ages 6-16. Growing up I always assumed it was just something normal that people did so I never really thought much of it and never had the thought of telling anyone. When I did let some slip out because I didn’t want to move in with one of my abusers, my mother right away asked me why I had put myself into that situation in the first place before catching herself so I decided not to tel her about the rest of the abuse because what was the point. Don’t worry though, when that abuser (who was one of my cousins) died she made sure to make it all about herself and told some family members about what I had told her and that information basically got spread around and my family was basically making it out to be as though I made it up to taint his image now that he was dead and couldn’t defend myself. Years later when I started therapy I decided to talk to my mother about all of the abuse and she reacted as you’d expect. First she said it was “bad spirits” that had made people do what they did and the same bad spirits were making me think about all the abuse and be so anxious and depressed all of the time so all I had to do was go to church and not think about it :). Then another time she kept prodding for information about the man who molested me as a 5 year old and made me remember what he looked like because she really wanted to know. So now I remember what the guy looks like after years of blocking that out. Sorry that was a lot. What was the question again?


I was going to say the shower scene in the original movie “it”. But after reading some of these responses, I’m gonna shut up


Eh. Fallacy of relative privation. You are allowed to be traumatized. Just bc other people have it worse doesn’t invalidate your experience.


Being molested and mentally manipulated by my cousin.


Being abused, every type. I am almost 40 and it's still a struggle to live day to day. Edit: this has been in my head for hours. I have to admit that the hardest thing for me is that, maybe-maybe *IF* my childhood wasn't so fucking terrible, if I hadn't been hurt so much, I might be better equipped to deal with my life now. I worked so hard to get past the beginning of my life to have a great future, a family of my own that loves and adores me. And I do, I did it, 3 boys and a wonderful husband. But fate or whatever fucked up deity out there gave me twin boys that have severe autism, I can handle that, they are beautiful amazing little boys, but - they get violent and cant be controlled. They dont understand that they are hurting me, or each other, or themselves. I got headbutted so much that I have to have lasik cause I cant wear my glasses and the constant damage has fucked up one of my tear ducts. I honestly think I might have been able to handle this better if I hadn't been so beaten as a child. When I get hit now I just want to cower, can you believe that, a 5 year old can just own me. Its purely emotional, they dont hit that hard, I am so use to it I hardly bleed now. But the trauma of it is intense. I worry what it's going to be like in 20 years when they are both bigger then me. We are still trying to bring it under control but no luck yet. (In case you are wondering, no theres absolutely no hitting in my house)


The wolf monster from The Neverending Story


Also the tar scene with the horse. :'(


Being raped and sexually abused as a toddler, both of my parents abandoning me, being kidnapped at 10 years old, being physically abused by the people who raised me, being raised in a cult.


How are you doing now??


Not great. I just got shunned from the cult last year and lost my only friends.


I will be your friend!!




Same. And I didn’t even know it until I was 28. I was just floating through life wondering why everything felt so hard for me. Why I was so “lazy” and unorganized compared to other people. I spent years trying different drugs for anxiety and depression and nothing really helped because that wasn’t my main issue. Not much has changed since I was diagnosed a few years ago, but I’m so glad I at least know now.


Watching my father emotionally/ mentally abuse my mom on a daily basis. Screamed at her 24/7 while she just sat there and took it. It was horrible. Married now with two littles and I never raise my voice at my husband and if we’re upset at each other in front of the kids, I just go quiet so they don’t witness anything. We actually discuss things as adults.


Jesus. I came here just to type "Large Marge", and left with the realization that whatever problems I have, I am remarkably fortunate.


Relentless bullying. Fucked with my head & now I just loathe humanity.


I’m still fucked in the head from how long and how severely I was bullied. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust another human being enough to form a long term relationship, no matter how much I want to. For many years I thought it was normal to never fully trust anyone, and the trust I read about in books was just a fairy tale like love at first sight. A nice fantasy that doesn’t actually exist in real life.


Watching my Grandad pass away slowly from osteoarthritis for 6yrs.. Seeing him unable to take care of himself bit by bit, to being a bone thin potato not even able to drink out of a straw. From having to use a cane, to being put in a electric wheel chair and finally being put on bed rest permanently for over 4yrs. He had to wear a neck brace, back brace, leg and knee brace and be fed by a tube..He was use to waking up and being able to mow his own lawn, working on different projects in his wood working shop and enjoying being outdoors fishing, hunting or just bird watching. Then came sneezing in front of me and braking four ribs, not being able to laugh or get angry because of pain, squeezing a morphine button like it was hope and in the end not being able to talk and sit watching tv hopeless.. I’ll cherish holding hands for hours, not saying a word till I die. He cried a lot at the end and basically starved to death. I saw him 6 days a week living only two houses down. I miss him and am glad his suffering has passed. Love you Grandad, I’ll be bringing you those Reds and a Budweiser you asked for the next time we cross paths..


I watched my sister die when I was 3. She was 7 at the time and died due to flu. My mother is anti vax and only gave us homeopathy treatment and never took my sister to the doctor. The cause of her death confused me for years and I finally got some clarity about it recently The ultimate cause of death was from toxic shock syndrome. My theory is that my sister died because of the bacteria in her throat which caused the shock, meaning that she might have lived if she was just taken to the hospital and treated with antibiotics. I also was never taken to a therapist and didn’t see one until I was 20


I was 10 (in 1994) and our class went on a school trip to a place which had cool caves. Many of my classmates went to the gift shop and stole many items. The management of the caves facility told our principal. A few days later, the principal visited our class and asked us to admit to who did it. Nobody volunteered. Then he asked if anyone would say who it was. What came over me next, I’ll never know. I stood up and walked up to the principal and told him who did it. Partially I remember my motivation was that I was disgusted that people stole as I was brought up to believe that only criminals steal and they belong in jail. Over the next few days, my life became hell. People in groups in my class came up to me and pushed me around. One time, I was being dropped off at my sports game by my Dad. As soon as he dropped me off, about 5 or 6 kids came over and started shouting at me. I was really upset. My Dad saw this on his way back to the car and came back over to tell everyone to back off. It was the most horrible and shameful moment of my childhood and I never spoke about it with my father again.


My parents not putting me on testosterone when I was young because they didn't believe in hormone treatments even though they knew that I needed it because I was born with only one, partially atrophied, teste and abnormal genitalia. I was slow to learn to walk, had speech problems and needed speech therapy. I have hips wider than a dude should and developed small breasts at the age of puberty. I wont get into all the horrible social stuff this caused in school but as an adult... When I was leaving my last job someone I worked with 4 days a week 12 hours every day for 2 YEARS told the person replacing me that "we think she is a woman living as a man." Just us 2 and we basically sat and chatted every day for 6+ hours told each other everything about our lives. To find out they thought that I was lying about all the shit I went through because of my worthless body. was a pretty big "oof" moment. It can be extremely exhausting just trying to exist. Is this guy being nice to me because he thinks I am a girl or is he just being nice? how do I make sure he knows I am a guy? People who humor you but behind your back are telling everyone you are a woman. getting laughed at in public for trying to look like a guy. Having dudes try to startle me / get flirty / help me do my job when I know they don't with other guys and I just want to scream at them I am a fucking man. 2 quotes from 2 people I worked with at different times... "No, Murky is a guy, I know he has a penis. I have seen it, he is actually pretty big" some girl I worked with but never talked too. "I always thought she was a guy but she is definitely a girl. She was bending over the tote, I wasn't trying to look or anything but it was just there. when she bent over that tote I saw uh her... uh... flower." some dude I worked with and sometimes chatted at lunch with. THANKS MOM AND DAD! TLDR I still don't look right as an adult because my parents didn't follow the standards of care for a guy born without testes.


The police raiding our apartment when I was 8 because "a wanted criminal was reported to be hiding there". I pretended to be asleep because it was in the middle of the night but I could hear my mom pleading with the cops to leave me be and that she didn't even know who the guy was. Turns out he was hiding at the apartment below ours. So like, if we were in apartment 312, he was in 212. The search warrant was for the apartment below us and they had fucked up coming to our apartment, but they never owned up to it and told mom and dad to just keep quiet about it. Yeah it was a bad part of town but I never got over the fact that apparently poor people have no rights because they're poor. I never trusted cops after that.


being sexually abused until I was a teenager


My grandpa started molesting me when I was 7 and he was doing it on daily basis till I turned 11~ I started refusing him around that age because I thought it was gross and it stopped completely when I turned 14. I didn’t think about it much till was 19 or so. I was psychotic, had anger and trust issues, had horrible panic attacks out of nowhere. Had to skip college a lot because I was freaking out a lot around people. When I was 10 or so my sister started abusing me. Literally brainwashing me. Saying shit like “mom hates you! Your brother thinks you get fatter and uglier every year! Aunt thinks you’re stupid and really ugly! Mom goes through your stuff, your notebooks, phone, computer” and shit like that. (Just so you know my sister accused my father and many men in serious crimes like rape. Mom kicked father out without talk because of her. She stole moms money and said that moms bf did that. He was really sweet guy he always got me candies I liked and often prepared dinner for us. Later mom found out that she lied but of course it was too late.) My brother got involved with druggies and later his “friends” broke in and robbed us and threatened to kill me so I had to stay home for some time till they were in jail. Now of course I know that my so called sister lied about some things like phone and computer stuff because I always had password on my phone and computer and theres no way mom knew that not mentioning she didn’t know how to turn computer on and look for specific stuff. That however has zero help my anger and trust issues now. I’m working with my anger management and it somewhat got better but I’m not sure I will be able to get over trust issues and really low self esteem.