T O P

Your username is the reason your single. what’s the reason?

Your username is the reason your single. what’s the reason?

1kreasons2leave

Do I have to name them all?


MoltenCandleCrab

This deserves more upvotes


Hititwitharock

Well, I WASN'T, until...


SilentJoe1986

You greet tits with rocks?


theedgeofoblivious

I honestly don't know.


SonicXander05

this is a good one


Gavinhavin

Why? I don’t get it.


snoosingchemist

If you are oblivious, you don't know.


primalphoenix

On the fence as to whether i am supposed to woooosh this or not


HugelyConfused

Me neither, I don’t understand it.


imnotsupersure

same, i'm just not sure


daftbucket

Understand what?


MaximumVagueness

Same here.


Thin-Sympathy2584

Lack of sympathy apparently


MENDACIOUS_RACIST

People aren’t impressed with my empathy, either.


CopainChevalier

I wasn’t prepared for this


1InchPunisherr

Self explanatory


SilentJoe1986

That's one angry inch


TeamPupNsudzzz

Hedwig is that you???


ponichols

When you go 6” fwd and 5” back


bipolarnotsober

At least you're not a mentally unstable druggy


crackpot47

Heyyy u didn't have to call me out like that


soloqueso

Just cheese


wandering_cheese

It ain’t easy being cheesy


smackaroni-n-cheese

Cheese gang represent


mozziebro

Yes, We mozzst stick together.


TJBBB

Underated username lmao


Few-Currency-8602

Broke.


thecashlessclay

Same


-100K

Broke as hell


CrammedMeat

Nah, man thats straight up debt


BiIIisits

think I know why you're single too


CrammedMeat

Nothing wrong with it either


cashman5

Money isn't everything


ThaSaxDerp

Easy to say when you're made of money man


cashman5

still single though


MeAndMeMonkey

Rather play w me monkey


SerendipitouslySane

Not crazy enough.


FREAK1125

I have the other end of the spectrum. Not any better here.


SerendipitouslySane

Damn. Wanna bang?


FREAK1125

My place or yours?


IRageQuit06

Well that escalated quickly


a_russian_physicist

I'm not single I'm married to science Edit: grammar


IAmScience

…really? When did that happen…?


PhysicalStuff

I just whish y'all would stop arguing about me.


[deleted]

Wholesome thread


a_russian_physicist

When I was a kid I got introduced to her at school. She showed me how amazing is nature. And I craved more fruits of wisdom . I've got a chance to give her a new piece of knowledge. Maybe a small one but made by me.


IAmScience

Heh, check my username mate.


WinterLightz

kinda proves that physicists can be very dense sometimes (am one too so don't come at me)


kalakau

i pretty frequently explain things to my friends who are actually fucking with me because they know i do this lol, gets me every time


tjdux

If you ever feel they are doing that to you start putting in weird stuff with your explanation and just keep getting crazier as you ramble on.


spark29

Now kith


reallyserious

You sound really serious.


nayncat123

"That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?" "She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science."


David_The_Redditor

Reddit.


Lonely-Specialist767

I specialize in creating personalities for redditors


they_were_all_taken

Enough said.


blacksopsfile

I can't talk about it.


vanish619

  ⠀


NotYetASerialKiller

…me neither


blueB0wser

Not yet


Valenyn

“Where is she!”


HaveUSeenThisPerson

That’s what I’m trying to figure out


Intebinnes

This is gold haha


-I_dont_have_a_dick-

Oh


sleeptheneatpizza

I mean, that's only so much of a problem.


HerbalTeaSimping

Wait till he uses his toes to type out what happened to his tongue and hands.


Emergency-Fun-247365

Whoa, nobody asked you to go *there*


LeTigron

Yeah, I know many girls that don't have one and they're fine with their partners


Poem_for_your_sprog

I don't have a penis, I don't have a dick. I crafted my own, but it just wouldn't stick. I fashioned a phallus to keep for myself - But now it just sits in a box on the shelf. Oh what I would do for a winkle or wang! A schlong of my own to go out with a bang! A gherkin for jerkin', a pecker, a prick. Won't somebody, *somebody* get me a dick?


laziebones

Brilliant, as always


Roastar

For you sprog, sure


27buttdick

Well I can give u one


-I_dont_have_a_dick-

Nah you keep yours


27buttdick

Fucking take it


Nicless7

r/wholesome


No_Aioli_7553

Me neither (F) but on top of that I don’t have aïoli


swapode

"These euphemisms are really getting out of hand" he said as he dunked his breadstick in her aioli.


fappyday

I could help you with aioli. You're on your own for the other part.


Heres20BucksKill_me

oh no


Bobbycala

That s also the reason most of the girls aren t single


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lexiphanic

Using big words to make myself sound smart. I mean, utilizing rotund verbiage so as to present a visage others identify as membership in the intelligentsia. Wait. Where are you going?


surlycur

To get a fuckin' dictionary!


SilentJoe1986

While using complex words can make you sound smart. Knowing when to use them is the difference between sounding smart, and sounding like a pretentious douche canoe


Vrashelia

Ahhh... One of my favorite things is the well placed usage of "douche canoe". Always gets an upvote


am_casual_potato

Apparently nobody loves informal potatoes


lavaboy348

I love potatoes.


Ginny_weasly_

You may love the formal ones not casual ones, think about it.


darthvadercake

Yeah, that dude is so casual he probably doesn't even have his peel on still.


Paradoxic_potato

We potatoes gotta stick together smh 😤


__Only_me_

“Only me” yeah


human-person27

I guess humans and people dont like me


Dragon_Cult

No I think that if you have to call yourself a human person then your not really human your either a lizard person or and alien


human-person27

Huh. Never really thought of that but you make a valid point


AhYesAHumanPerson

That’s definitely not what’s going on with me!


Normul_Humen

I think we’re blending in well enough


redditor1957

I have no personality.


Modest_Lion

Relatable


DilliSeHoonBhenchod

What do you know lion? stop being so modest


Asbestos-Icecrean

Nobody uses asbestos anymore.


ashiron31

I have to ask, was the 'n' at the end intentional?


Asbestos-Icecrean

OOF. NOPE.


Mutagrawl

Did this post make you realise you made a typo lol?


Asbestos-Icecrean

Yup! First time reddit user here, and it was a late night last night


AsbestosInObstetrics

Some people do...


happyhealthybaby

Ga ga goo goo.


samanthahasbadbangs

Do people even care about bangs?


notalphabeticalfish

maybe you’re bad at banging too


OneMoose9

Fucking moose won't stop killing them.


Dragon_Cult

He’s looking out for you he will pick the right one soon don’t worry


OneMoose9

This was oddly comforting.


fappyday

Moose knows what's up. Trust him; he fucks like....well, a moose.


kratomstew

A Møøse once bit my sister …


IncontinentiaButtok

No really;she was karving her initials in the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush,given to her by her brother-in-law Sven.


404_GF_NotFound

Uuuhhhhh...


theguyfromeuropa

You were made for this thread.


Nathan256

Literally. No other posts or comments.


ilona0815

Yay, I like the 404 naming pattern 😊 most recently for me 404 baby goats not found


SociallyFucked19

well this makes sense


40angryrednecks

Well, not everybody likes gang bangs with rednecks.


MrWeirdoFace

What are you doing, step-necks?


sammy_sam0sa

LMAO STEP-NECKS


goawaaaaay

I dont like being around people.


RyanTheKingOfNothing

I'm the king of nothing.


DGlen

Where's your crown, king nothing?


sleeptheneatpizza

But maybe *some*day you'll be the king of their heart!


RyanTheKingOfNothing

Maybe.


gayForGayFrogs

There are no other gay frogs


I-LOVE-FROG

I like you as a friend


HerbalTeaSimping

I like him as a frog.


kratomstew

I frog him like a friend.


brndndly

Not since they stopped putting those damn chemicals in the water


SeriousLee3

I take things too seriously.


ForestSpiritSylwia

You take things 3 SeriousLee*


dcoolidge

I think he's the third SeriousLee. Runs in the family.


Mr-Stud-Muffin

Serious, lee?


Slothygal

I’m a sloth


No-potatoes-5548

Maybe they misunderstood the meaning of “sleeping with you”


[deleted]

I dream about men instead of talking to them


SpeedCubingIsBest

Thats me :c


_Not_A_Crab_

people are so picky


spicypickless

spicy pickles satisfy me more than y’all Edit: these comment replies are all CRACKING ME UP


Llamustache

....ow


Creepy_OldMan

I would love to get my hands on a spicy pickle


McLagginz

Username checks out.


Bean_I_Am

Bruh


nodalfuckcircle1111

Bruh


Dragon_Cult

Bruh


RedditGoodFbBad

I’m a virgin


DudeWhoLicksPeople

I'm insane


riemannStar

Well at least you don't sound dangerous


LickLickLickBite

It doesn’t start out dangerous, but then it escalates.


InBootyWeTrust

I guess the faithful shall not be rewarded


[deleted]

[удалено]


Blorken8828

You're* (This may also be the reason why I'm single)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dragon_Cult

Hey I think I am to


PuttingTheBaeInBacon

I feel that


PoopKnifeTwinkleCunt

I don't know, seems like I did everything right.


hpesoj_4109

I don’t know what the hell happened here…


Gil37

The world had been unfair to you


AnalCuntCumFuckClit

Ah yes, the superior form of usernames XD


Normalizesteroidz

Too swole, he couldn't handle my gainz!


MaximumZer0

Number of people interested in me.


mangocrazyy

I'm crazy only for mangoes.


1357908642r

Aw shit... I typed my phone number wrong.. All the hot girls, that I"m sure are trying to chase after my dick, can't reach me.. silly me, at least I know the problem now.. Thanks Dragon Cult.


chottokawaii

Just make a new one. There’s no limit.


JunkDrawerExistence

Nobody can find what they're looking for


immadensemofo

I don't even realise someone's flirting with me or asking me out


AngryEagles

I'm still ugly as an eagle


BedBugger6-9

I’m not single so someone must like to be buggered in the bed


Ilikegreenpens

She liked red pens


AnaliticalFeline

my cat over-analyzing any partner of mine she meets


iknowyourpasswordshh

Maybe stalking?


chottokawaii

ちょっとかわいい means “a little bit cute” so I guess I’m just not cute enough. 🥲


tias

ちょっとかわいい can also mean "just cute enough" or "amazingly cute" depending on context and intonation


InsideARefrigerator

Can't get out.


franticbookworm

I’m a bookworm


_ITookTheCookie_

I stole my partner's cookie and they dumped me smh


KariDoesReddit

I'm a redditor


[deleted]

I have 14 black cats.


tearsonurcheek

If you're #14, you only have 13.


TheBatman_Yo

Don't you see the deeper meaning here? The real reason op gets rejected is because they can't count.


ImaginaryCourtship

I think you mean *at least* 13. Could be #14 out of 352.


scrmjt

Moving too fast


IAmScience

Evidence strongly suggests a lack of attractiveness. P<0.01.


The_Perpetual_Liar

I am not single, I totally have a ton of sexy girlfriends


gullible-guppy

Guppies, those sons of bitches


shitfuckstack999

Kinda self explanatory...


sleeptheneatpizza

I sleep, then eat pizza. On repeat.


Hititwitharock

I read "sleep the neat pizza".


HappyHrHero

Wife got tired of being with a drunk, careless hippy


DisgustingGut

guess i have a disgusting gut..


ShnowDays

Keep turning my dates into stone…


Dragon_Cult

Medusa! Is that you?


buMf00d

This is awkward


Letmetellyowhat

I’m a know it all who never shuts up


_GrammarFuckingNazi_

It's you're... ... ...*sobs*...


Andrew-w-jacobs

Myself