This seems to have been an event that gave all the parties involved nightmares for years to come
Definitely some PTSD surrounding butt stuff...
A hole thing.
A hole 360
I died laughing at the image of you letting out a little scream as her dad comes barging in. Really great lmao
Idk why but it instantly made me picture Hal from Malcom in the Middle. That weird little short kinda startled scream he does. And I can't find a clip of it.
Oh my goddd I've lost it at this, so perfect
Exactly what I imagined hahahaha
or any JD screams/shrieks from Scrubs.
I just watched that whole video and I've no idea what was happening, but it made me laugh a good deal
The premise of the movie is like a biblical end of times with demons roaming earth. Takes place in Hollywood and all the actors play as themselves. Interesting idea and pretty funny too.
Cool, I'll probably add it to my watch list
It's the scream Emilio Estevez's character let's out in Men At Work when he's sitting on the toilet trying to call the police when the phone line dies and then Keith David's character busts through the door holding the phone line.
“Back in Phu Bai, he would’ve been killed the second he knocked on that door. I would’ve snapped his neck like a twig… He never would’ve seen it coming.”
Whole in one
Hole some fucked
Sum Ting Wong
We tu loo
She saw God for sure.
This is the macbeth of reddit sex stories.
Edit: my top comment is on a sex story. Thanks guys.
the scottish butt-play
Certainly cursed enough!
"By the pricking of my ass, something wicked this way passed!"
You win the internet random person
They're figments of his imagination?
Yeah... It's all make believe.
I don’t even care if that was 100% fiction. It was definitely entertaining. Maybe someone should start /r/tifu_fiction
"Out, out, brief condom!"
"condom out of their butt" is going to be the catch phrase for a while
I want it to all be true.
My god this was funny story. Pure gold.
But seriosly...never spoke to this girl after this? Have you even seen her? This shouldn't end relationships, it should make them stronger
Sorta like people that faint together stay together? Well i communicated through a common friend and was told she was in no circumstances ready to communicate with me. I got my hoody back though. I sent my apologies in return. And that was the end of it.
Probably a lucky escape then - parents behaviour is one thing, but she could have at least talked to you and ended things civilly.
It’s high school.
They’re both children still working all this out (part of why the parents freaked out. I’m more surprised they put them both in the same room, dating or not).
I thought it was weird the parents let them sleep in the same room as high schoolers at first too but later it does say they were 19, which is a little less weird
There were so many bad decisions here, it’s very hard to believe this happened at all. First I can’t believe the parents would invite him to stay at their house without meeting him first…much less letting him and the daughter sleep in the same room. Next, The fact that the op didn’t even attempt to make a good impression by cleaning himself up (and choose not to smoke during the visit) is a shockingly bad decision, not to mention having wild sex in the house with the parents downstairs. And finally, it’s VERY difficult to believe that the gf landed on his dick in such a way that it entered her ass perfectly, in one swift motion. In short, None of this sounds plausible.
Either this dudes dick is rock solid or this girls anus is more moist than a slip n slide. Maybe both. This sounds like it should’ve been a broken dick story.
I can definitely confirm this. I had a similar experience happen -- she yelped, I yelped, and then immediately looked and said "...hum. ...I think I need to go to the hospital."
And so that's the cliffs notes of the story wherein everyone in two ERs had to look at and fondle my tenderized meat while half of it slowly started to put on a cosplay of the eggplant emoji.
What? Did you get stuck???
My dick bent in half and I was dangerously close to a penile fracture. I lucked out.
Yeah I had similar an ex bounced off and back down and went halfway into her ass and it hurt me a bit, it hurt her a shitload and she went flying off me. Surprise anal is fun for no one.
No he was a 19 year old drummer his actions check out.
> not to mention having wild sex in the house with the parents downstairs
Don't get me wrong, this story doesn't ring true at all, but not because of this. People abandon all reason when it comes to sex. I am an epilepsy monitor tech at a hospital. My patients are generally there electively to have a study done where they wear the EEG electrodes for a week, and they are on video, so that any seizures can be correlated with the video and the EEG feed. The number of times I've seen patients, who KNOW they're on video, having sex in the hospital bed, is ridiculous. One guy, who was like 20 years old, actually asked the nurse if he could "leave them alone for like 20 minutes" so that he and his girl could have sex. The nurse was like "you remember that there's a video camera in there, right?" He tried covering the camera, so naturally got busted in flagrante delicto.
The part of OP's story that seems the most ridiculous to me is that she basically was rendered unconscious from an ass bombing. Sure, I could buy that maybe she fainted. But to stay fully unconscious through tumbling off onto the floor seems pretty improbable, just judging off of the times I've seen people faint.
My ex and I had a similar situation happen where he slipped into the wrong hole. Except on my case, it didn't hurt and was just confusing. So I can definitely believe that part of the story.
Had you done butt stuff prior to that, though?
'Cause I gotta say, from my experience with not ever having done butt stuff, the first time "oops, wrong hole" happened, it hurt quite a bit, and didn't really manage to go anywhere.
I imagine it might not hurt as bad if there was prior butt experience, and the D was super duper lubed up.
Or maybe I'm the fucking weirdo with a properly working asshole that only let's things out and not in, I don't know.
It was dumb AS FUCK Of them to put them in the same room and not assume they’d be fucking. Dumbass parents tbh. How can they even be mad they fucking set them up for a hot night. I can undertand being angry if u think he hurt her but Jesus fucking Christ the dad is supposed to be the adult he should act like one. Shit happens, now he prolly turned what woulda just been a funny story of a sexual mishap into a traumatic experience for his daughter. What a giant asshole
That makes sense actually - I missed that part, my bad
Score on the hoody back...
That’s when you know it’s over-over …
When you get your hoodie back.
Yea well that's a shame..sounded like you two had good thing going on. Gives a feeling that she is (/was) blaming you for this situation, which is wrong thing to do ofc
It's easier to ditch the SO than ditch the parents.
Especially dr parents with a holiday house
I'm thinking she remembered differently? Or maybe gaslighted by her parents and convinced that it was OP's fault. Or maybe it's her way to deal with the embarrassment.
Could be that the Parents forbid her from seeing him anymore, I mean with this story combined with OPs character (No offence) there's pretty much no defence left Against the Dad.
It’s not like it was your fault.
She was probably incredible ashamed of it, not necessarily blaming
You’re an empathetic person
In some cultures it would've just been too weird to bring him around her family again, especially if her dad is not a chill dude.
Gotcha, the world is truly so diverse. Where I’m from, that’s actually the traditional way to introduce yourself to your partner’s parents.
Does she blame you for that or wot?
Clearly the reason you two didn't stay together is that you didn't also faint!
This would have been a fantastic play, to pretend to also be unconscious, and have no recollection of what happened. I wonder how that would have played out.
Might've been able to have that kind of outcome if the parents weren't involved. To have your parents see you (and your SO) in that state would be a horrifying thing, much more scary than blacking out for a few minutes.
Sure..just seems harsh to break out without even saying a word, letter... something.
I don't try to deny it must have been scary, confusing, embarrasing etc. for everybody. Just feel bad for OP how "cold-bloodely" he was axed out of relationship.
Then who and how did OP get nicknamed "Murdervoner"?
This reads like an exaggerated version of what may have actually happened. However, over time you’ve mastered your craft of story telling.
So parents give BF and GF the same bedroom and get mad when they have sex? I’m doubting the first part lol.
They probably weren't mad about the sex. But from their perspective, hearing your daughter scream, then a thud, then her laying unconscious on the floor looks a bit like assault.
I agree with you… There is a whole situation to be considered. Imagine see your daughter completly naked on the floor with a condom coming out of her… it’s fuckin traumatizing for both
He was very clear about where that condom was, wasn't he? Lol
The polio-stricken smurf may have had something to do with it as well.
I'm doubting every part of it. But yeah, if starts there.
Just because you give your kid a room to knowingly have sex in doesn’t mean you want to actually see it happen lol
Not every parent is on the ball for that sort of thing, so to speak. Partly has to do with their own upbringing.
Sure, but parents who dont expect their kids to have sex don't let them share bedrooms with their significant others.
I wouldn't say, that the mother of one of my ex's always forced us to keep the bedroom door open a little bit. Was fucking weird
Haha, she had that rule because she knew you would have sex if the door was closed. Though, having been a teenager once, am guessing it just made you be extra quiet.
We we're quite stealthy
Have you seen stranger things? Door needs a 3” gap!
Look. I've been in this situation several.times and even with my now wife. Many times they are at the mercy of their child. They've probably had talks about it. And in the end one parent is not.on the same page (dad usually) and mom convinces him they will be fine. This is usually because one parent is a controlling asshole who forgets what it was like to be a kid or young adult. And the other is trying their best to be supportive and loving because they don't want to push their kid away.
I'm willing to bet only OP calls it the "murder boner".
This reads like a completely fabricated story to me.
If it looks like a duck and smells like a duck but squeaks like a hen and passes out because a dick *with a condom on* **ACCIDENTALLY** was slammed fully in the duck's butt on the first thrust then it's probably still a fucking duck
Well, ihappened to me once. Hurts like hell. I didn't pass out but the pain escalated to every single part of my body, even my gums where aching. Everyone has different levels of pain tolerance, so I wouldn't say it's completely impossible to pass out from the pain, even if it was just the tip.
That's what this sub is: creating writing about whacky fictional sex stories.
thats what we're here for
I stand by this is how I honestly recall the event. But you know how a story is best told over time. I'm nevertheless flattered by your compliment.
Naw, my friend has a similarly absurd sounding story that I know is 100% accurate because I knew all parties involved but it sounds like it’s fiction straight out of a movie.
Edit: similar in embarrassment not in content. That content is hard to rival.
Another very believable piece from those redditors who are really good at sex I swear man I’ve done it before
I sexed her so good you won't believe it.
Surprisingly I don’t!!!
I don’t believe this story, I don’t believe he had that girlfriend… hell, I’m not sure there was even a house or a bed. But it was an entertaining read. A dick that can anally stab women unconscious yet not bend or break. It’s straight out of a Greek myth.
>A dick that can anally stab women unconscious yet not bend or break. It’s straight out of a Greek myth.
Agreed. Such an act would snap my frenulum like a fishing line trying to hold back a freighter, or give my willy a few extraneous joints. I shudder at the thought.
Ugh, this hurt to read, I felt it. Good word “frenulum”. I had a girlfriend in college that we used to go pretty rough. I remember I hated her on top mainly because of the time it did indeed slip out. This guys little scream was from her dad, but my loud scream was from her perineum crushing my glans. Not sure if there’s a name for it, but opposite the frenulum (the top part of the penis just below the glans) hurt for a week!!! Bent the cartilage good. Ick I need to go have a drink now, I hated this story because it’s all it reminded me of.
The fact that she lands on it so perfectly that it just goes straight through is ridiculous. This would kill the penis.
>This would kill the penis.
To shreds, you say?
How does a penis just slide into a butthole like that? Sounds sus
Even porn stars prep for anal.
OP for sure didn't lube, and with the way the partner reacted i assume that was her first time. I'd break my dick, not somehow slip head to base in the first try. This is definitely sus.
It definitely can, I've had it happen. It was so painful I can totally relate to the idea that she passed out. For me, I screamed and rolled into the foetal position for about 40 mins.
God yes! It feels like someone tried to rip you in half!
Yeah so many men in the comments are assuming she passed out because of orgasm, WTF. OP doesn't state either way but I'd be extremely surprised if it wasn't passing out due to pain.
Definitely pain! Surprise anal does not fall into the "good pain" category at all, lol.
It is 100% because of the pain. Trying to interpret it any other way is just...idk uneducated?
As someone who frequently has sex with my wife, it do happen sometimes. You get into it and it slips out, and you try to put it back in, but it goes the wrong way. Luckily she usually catches it.
In this instance, she was on top and gravity ensured it.
As someone who also frequently has sex with that guy's wife...
That's what I was thinking! How hard was he thrusting that it just fucking RAMMED in her and he didn't feel any pain himself? Also, how did that even happen? She was riding on top and leaning forward. That's not exactly an accidental anal angle...
>I just couldn't contain the absurdity of the escalation and my eyes just locked in on the smurfy looking condom until i was pulled back to reality by the yelling dad.
Tell me you're writing fiction without telling me you're writing fiction.
> a polio-stricken smurf
LOL! You're very descriptive.
I am absolutely stealing this.
The tl;dr is next to useless
r/WritingPrompts would love your fiction.
TIFU by accidentally KO'ing my GF at her parents house and earning the nickname murder boner
So this one goes a while back but still carries so significant amounts of shame and horror I think about it often.
Reverse to some years ago during highschool days. I had a GF who was pretty hot in my standards. I was no looker but managed to make girls laugh a lot and that gave me an edge. So we've been dating for a while and she's convinced me I should come and stay at her parents vacation home during some holiday i cannot recall now. I'd been avoiding this for as long as possible but in my feebleness I finally succumbed to her wishes. She was a really good girl with good grades and mostly healthy interests. Both her parents were dentists and had bought this really nice estate close to the beach with a forest backdrop. So I'm introduced to her parents and feel a slightly judgmental and unfriendly look from her dad like but her mom is really friendly and welcoming. It has to be said I was a drummer and wore it as a lifestyle with the mandatory grungy wardrobe at the time. I smoked like a chimney and might've been the stuff of her dad's nightmares considering how he looked at me. Might not have been his ideal picture BF material for his daughter.
We're installed in a room upstairs with a view of the beach, real nice and cozy. We chew our way through some awkward conversations during dinner time and her dad asks me a couple of questions about my family and my plans for the future. I did not manage to impress him with any of my answers. At one point he just looked at his daughter while I was answering one of his questions like "really, this guy?". Her mom was self-sedating with some decent Pinot noir and luckily distracted him when he was getting ready to stick the knife in with a question of how I thought playing music could provide for a family or even just supply a reasonable and steady income of any kind. So by this point I'm getting a feeling he's not all that keen on me being with his daughter.
After some less awkward coffee session in the lounge we're going to bed. I can just feel her dad's eyes in my back when I walk behind her up the stairs to our room. It's like a stinging sensation I imagine you would feel from a laser cutting through your skin. He's not exactly loving the idea of hosting a lovemaking session between his beloved daughter and some grungy drummer boy with total lack of ability to provide. Now that I'm older I can probably understand him.
So we're getting it on in the bed. At this point we've had sex before and have found a couple of ideal positions we cycle through. She's really in the mood and jumps on top of me and the rodeo is in town. She's probably getting close to climaxing, because she's riding real fast and I feel like we're making a lot of noise at this point. I whisper to her we should probably take it down a notch before someone hears us but she can't hear me so she leans closer to my face. And then something unexpected happened so fast. As she leaned forward she accidentally slipped of the drummer-boner and sat back on it but in the other hole (it went all the way in like a jackhammer), she let out a real loud scream like a hen laying an extra large egg and then passed out completely on top of me like she was rung up by Mike Tyson.
So imagine lying on a bed with an unconscious GF on top of you with your murder boner up her butt and a total panicking feeling in your body while you can hear thundering footsteps approaching up the stairs towards your room. I don't imagine most people would like to know how that feels but my thought was it's probably not someone coming with milk and cookies. I try elegantly to toss the unconscious GF off myself but she's so slippery from all the lovemaking that I drop her on the floor and she lands, still unconscious, spread eagle on her stomach with a condom hanging out her butt. I did not find this particular position of the unconscious GF ideal considering i had no time to reposition nor her or myself before some very intrigued parents of hers would be standing in the room. During the strenuous lovemaking we'd tossed all pillows and blankets on the floor so I had nothing to cover my not-so-raging-murder-boner with but my hands.
So there I lay naked on the bed covering my fast receding boner with my hands as her dad powered through the door like a cop during a drug bust. Irrationally i just let out a weak little scream as he saw me and I can fully appreciate how that didn't make the situation any less weird for him. He started yelling what I'd done to his little daughter (weird right) and telling his wife to call an ambulance. His daughter is still unconscious in the less than ideal position on the floor with the tragically revealing condom sticking out of her butt. The whole scene is just completely absurd at this point. I think he'd be less angry with me if I'd just straight up killed her. He's screaming at me what happened and I just whimper something like i think it slipped in by accident and she just passed out. Even though this seemed like a fairly obvious explanation in the situation it only managed to anger him further. Now enters her mom the room and she looks at me in both pity and disgust, still covering the close to non-existent boner with my shaking hands, as she throws me a towel to cover myself before she covers her eyes with her hands. Her dad is yelling still while listening for signs of life from his "beloved little daughter" (at this point I'm not even able to comprehend how fucked up it is to talk like that about your naked and unconscious 19 YO daughter with a condom sticking out of her butt).
My GF (I guess she was still technically my GF at this point) started slowly coming to her senses again and the first thing she sees is her father kneeling by her side as she slowly realized she was naked and then look up at me and my naked body I just saw terror in her eyes before she started crying, still spread eagle with a condom sticking out her butt. I swear to God, when she started crying the commotion caused the condom to pop back out and slide humiliatingly slow down on the floor like a polio-stricken smurf. I just couldn't contain the absurdity of the escalation and my eyes just locked in on the smurfy looking condom until i was pulled back to reality by the yelling dad. Like is this really happening. At this point he's completely overcome by uncontrollable rage and disgust and just starts yelling and screaming at me again and says i should get out of his house, in some terms my memory wisely has since chosen to suppress. I recall the theme being mostly about the end of my life and unforgivable defamation of his offspring. I remember it like he's even yelling nonsense sounds out of total distress while looking for any words meaningful to this utterly horrible situation. Her mom is still just keeping her face in her hands and crying uncontrollably.
I try to gather my clothes and tumble out of the room and down the stairs while trying to get dressed. I hear her dad sobbing away and his daughter chiming in with unison sobbing as I gather my things on my way out of the house. I start to hear sirens while I'm getting dressed and on my way out I see an ambulance coming down the street. I sighed in relief there wasn't a police car as well. I of course never talked to her or her parents ever again. I haven't done butt stuff ever since.
TLDR; Accidentally rammed my boner up GF's butt and KO'ed her at her parents house resulting in chaos.
Thank you! My phone died half way through and by the time I got it back on...poof...it no longer existed. So thank you, for making my life whole again.
Do you guys seriously believe this?
This sub only upvotes the most obviously fictitious stuff now
As long as it’s ridiculously sexual. Why is fuckin everything soo sexual now
You lost me when you said you were in high school and her parents put you in the same room...
Yeah I double checked ages at that point. So they put you in the same room to bone and then threw you out when you boned?
I'm not convinced...as someone who has a lot of butt sex I find it very unlikely that someone (particularly someone who isn't accustomed to anal) would just accidentally 'slip' and have it go all the way in. It doesn't generally work like that
Virgin active isn’t just the name of the gym I go to, but I found it kinda hard to believe that it could slip in that easy
Trust me it can. It fucking hurts.
right? I can barely get my finger in there!
When you were talking to you friends about making up a post on reddit, did the bet include using the phrase "murder boner" or "condom sticking out her butt" a certain number of times?
You're not very good at making things up. This reads like a bad American Pie fanfic written by someone who has never had sex before.
Dad does not seem like the kind of dad who would allow his high school aged daughter to have her boyfriend sleep over in the same room.
Clearly a fictitious story.
We just read a sexual fantasy of a child on the internet... This is fucky. Please delete OP and this post
Not even funny but Reddit is always just like LOL sex
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story
Is that this though
Why do i feel like this is made up?
Because it is
I so wanted this to end with "anyway, she's my wife now"
Press X to doubt
So he just walked back from her parents' vacation home?
Since you never spoke again doesn't that mean you're technically still dating
This is the most made up BS karma grabbing story I have seen in ages.
Ikr, there's no way his boner just goes all the way in the wrong hole "by accident" without any lube lmfao
100% didn’t happen, humorous writing though
You say high school days but she's 19 and you're staying at her parents house and they let you sleep together and they're that conservative? I'm unconvinced. Too many things off with this story.
My God I hope I see "woke with a condom hanging out my butt, dad was hovering me" post in here for the other half of this story.
"As she leaned forward she accidentally slipped of the drummer-boner and sat back on it but in the other whole (it went all the way in like a jackhammer"
Is anyone ever going to write a story that's at least SLIGHTLY believable?
This reads like fiction
Cause it is.
You really wanted up to visualize that condom sticking out huh
You never talked to her again? Idk, I feel like this all could've been cleared up pretty easily after everyone calmed down.
Dude she orgasmed and passed out.
And you shit the bed big time, shoulda just laid there and said she came loudly sorry and watched her dad be like.... o.O butt no you tossed her off the bed like a used sock lol.
>a used sock
I can't believe he broke all contact with her! Imagine her perspective to all of this 😬
Edit: I imagine she doesn't remember a portion of time leading up to passing out. She probably only has her parents account of what happened and waking to find a condom in her now, very painful anus.
"We heard a scream, found you butt naked on the floor, passed out with a condom hanging out of your butt. Your boyfriend on the bed naked. We kicked him out without hearing a word from him and haven't seen him since."
- Her parents, probably
I hope she uses reddit and gives us the other half.
1000% this! If mutual friend told him to post, hopefully they will share it with her and she can tell her side...
OP said she broke contact.
I saw, how unfortunate. She must be left with some pretty emotional scares to just abandon a relationship with zero closure.
Also broke her butthole.
Yeah no pretty sure she passed out because of how badly it hurt.
The fact that this is so upvoted is horrifying. She passed out from the incredible pain.
It really is horrifying. All these (mostly) grown ass men thinking they can just shove it in there and "It WiLl FeEl GrEaT"
I guarantee they wouldn't want a shock boner shoved up their ass with the force of a horny teenager trying to jackhammer his way to 5 second bliss. I've had it happen and holy shit I can 100% understand why she would pass out.
Same. And he wasn't small or pencily either, as some are implying is necessary. Cue me curled up in fetal position on the floor crying and holding my ass for 5 minutes. Ha. The pain was so bad, it burned itself into my memory and I can still kinda remember the feeling.
Same. It happened to me 15 years ago and I still remember the agony. Definitely the opposite of fun-pain.
Accidental anal does NOT make you orgasm. It hurts like hell. You're not being funny. Worst case scenario it actually caused internal damage too.
She did not orgasm and pass out. She had an unexpected dick up her ass, that's really, really painful. She passed out due to pain and shock.
>shoulda just laid there and said she came loudly sorry
Dad would still be pissed but atleast mom would have been like "hmm😏"
Did you read the story? That’s not what happened, like at all.
Pretty sure this isn’t true based on the description of the condom
So you dropped her unconscious by ramming your nillie-willie inside her bunhole? While she was -REALLY- in the mood? Yeah, nah -- been in some personal affairs that I was 99% sure I'd not drop unconscious even if she cutted my whammo off.
Nice fanfic tho.
Nope. Didn’t happen
I find the part weird where they just burst in the door and then continued to hang around with their naked daughter and her naked bf. As a parent, if I heard something *very* alarming I’d yell “Hey, everything ok?” I’d never charge into the room unless asked to and I certainly wouldn’t hang around with my naked kid at my feet.
Does anyone actually believe these stupid tales?
This is obviously complete nonsense.
We’ll this didn’t happen, but a great writing exercise.
Being a drummer you need to turn this saga into song bruh an epic tale of love debauchery and loss. The smurf condom has to be mentioned in the song. Grammy winner bruh.
Wow OP, you really are a pain in the ass.
I truly hope this is true, but highly doubt it.
I mean, unless you have a needle dick, she wasn't gonna be the one passed out. You'd have broken your dick 999 of 1000 times.
Plus... Why the fuck did the parents let you all stay in the room together?
And, how do two people never talk again after that?
Get this guy an 80s movie version of this
American pie material right there.
Of all the things that didn’t happen...